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AFTER THE GAME 

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ALL A MISTAKE 

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ALL ON ACCOUNT OF POLLY 

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AS A WOMAN THINKETH 

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AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW 

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CIVIL SERVICE 

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THE CLASS SHIP 

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CLUBBING A HUSBAND 

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A COLLEGE TOWN 

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THE FIFTEENTH OF JANUARY 

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THE GRADUATE'S CHOICE 

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T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

154 West Randolph Street CHICAGO 



The Camouflage of Shirley 

A Comedy-Drama in Three Acts 



BY 

LINDSEY BARBEE 



AUTHOR OF 

"After the Game," "At the End of the Rainbow," 
"The Call of the Colors," "The Call of Wohelo," 
"The Dream That Came True," "The Fifteenth of 
January," "Then Greek Met Greek," "Her First 
Scoop," "The Kingdom of Heart's Content," "The 
Promise of Tomorrow," "Sing a Song of Seniors," 
"The Spell of the Image," "The Thread of Destiny," 
"Tomorrow at Ten," "The Trial of Hearts," "A 
AVatch, a Wallet and a Jack of Spades," "When the 
Clock Strikes .Twelve," "The Whole Truth," "In the 
College Days," "Let's Pretend^A Book of Children's 
Plays," etc. 




CHICAGO 
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 






NOTICE 



Production of this play is 
free to amateurs, but the 
sole professional rights are 
reserved by the auth'or, who 
may be addressed in care of 
the Publishers. Moving' pic- 
ture rights reserved. 



COPYRIGHT. 1918 

BY 

LINDSEY BARBEE 



°^'^ '9)3,©CI.D- 50592 



^vi,^ y 



iTHE Camouflage of Shirley 



For Eight Men and Ten Women Characters. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

(Named in order of appearance.) 

Molly A Waitress 

Captain Clay Calhoun Of Kentucky 

Lieutenant William Joseph W'ayne The Groom 

Annette Richmond W^ayne The Bride 

Shirley Carlisle Who Wins a Service Pin 

Jennie Who is Something of a Mystery 

Whitney Charlton ''Captain Scheppel" 

Ruth Hoyt... Who Supplies Literature to the Training Camp 

Nell Chandler Who Knifs 

Rose Ross Who Allozvs Herself to be Loved 

Mary Lou 'Lester... Who is Tired of Being a Stay-at-Home 

Neil Rutherford A Slacker 

Mrs. Richmond Annette's Mother 

Hal Winston .... 
Walter Warren. 

Jack Miller 

Bob Bartlett. . . . 

Bettina Annette's Young Sister 



Guests 



Time — Afternoon and Evening of a Midsummer Day. 
Year Nineteen-eighteen . 

Place — A Summer Resort on the Atlantic Coast. 



Time of Playing — Tzvo Hours and Fifteen Minutes. 



Act I — A tea room. Five o'clock in the afternoon. 
Act n — A deserted cabin. Seven-thirty in the evening. 
Act hi — A sun parlor. On toward midnight. 

3 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Captain Clay Calhoun, on his way to the front, meets at 
a summer resort his college friend. Lieutenant William Jo- 
seph Wayne, who has just been married. Enthusiastically 
upholding the war marriage, Wayne endeavors to bring 
Calhoun to his own way of thinking, but the Captain laugh- 
ingly declares that War is his only lady love and that he 
is lacking even a flirtation or a sentimental episode. 

The mysterious disappearance of state papers from the 
home of a war department official, Mr. Richmond (Wayne's 
father-in-law), gives rise to Calhoun's suggestion that there 
must be someone in the vicinity who is supplying the enemy 
with information. As a proof of his suspicion he tells of 
a mysterious signal flashed from a mountain top and re- 
ceived — supposedly — by a submarine. \\^ayne at first listens 
to the theory incredulously ; then, after reflection, excitedly. 
They are about to depart upon an investigation of the 
matter when Annette — Mrs. Wayne — enters. Overwhelmed 
with pride, the Lieutenant presents the bride to his friend, 
neglecting to mention the Captain's name. 

Shirley Carlisle, Mrs. Wayne's guest, eager to wear a 
service pin, decides to choose the name of some soldier who 
will never come her way, remain engaged to him just as long 
as she cares to wear the pin and announce her engagement 
at the little tea party which Annette is giving in her honor. 
A list of those sailing for France is carefully examined and 
the name of Captain Clay Calhoun is promptly appropri- 
ated. With the transfer of a ring and a borrowed service 
pin, Shirley boldly springs the news upon the assembled 
party — and in the midst of congratulations Lieutenant 
Wayne and Captain Calhoun enter. Natural complications 
follow. 

In the meantime, Jennie, a waitress, secretly delivers the 
envelope stolen from Mr. Richmond's ' dispatch box to 
Mr. Charlton, who is, in reality, Captain Scheppel, a 
German spy, and who has been sending information 
obtained through Jennie to a near-by submarine. While in 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



the tea room Shirley recognizes him and addresses him as 
Captain Scheppel, declaring tliat slie has met him in Ber- 
Hn. Naturally he denies his identity, and in order to pre- 
vent Shirley from leaving the room and spreading the 
alarm, he kidnaps her and Mrs. Wayne and carries them 
to a deserted cabin, after ordering Jennie to drop the envel- 
ope in Shirley's knitting bag, so that he, in that way, may gain 
possession of the document without risking its being found 
on his person. At the cabin Shirley plays her wits against 
those of the spy. Captain Calhoun — who has seen the sud- 
den departure — comes to the rescue, and after the dramatic 
entrance of Jennie, who is in reality an agent of the United 
States government, Scheppel is captured. The Captain, after 
his part in the day's excitement, realizes that War is, after 
all, an unsatisfactory lady love, and before the midnight 
hour has sounded Shirley is given the right to a service pin 
of her own. 



SYNOPSIS FOR PROGRAM. 

Act I — A gallant Captain who scorns a lady love ; a 
bride and groom of two weeks ; an impulsive Shirley who 
picks a name at random, announces an engagement and 
brings complications upon herself. A mysterious signaling, 
a mysterious Jeanne Dupriez, a mysterious waitress who 
faints — without warning. 

Act II — Rain, thunder and lightning. An unexpected 
entrance of Captain Calhoun just as the game of "Hunt- 
the-envelope" proves a bit strenuous, results in the desired 
document changing hands. A signal is flashed — and a re- 
volver is pointed ''in the name of the law." 

Act III — The entering guests are greeted with a remark- 
able story. The slacker disappears — forever — and Jennie 
becomes Jeanne. Bettina's interview with the "soldier man" 
results in further complications — but Cupid is victorious 
over Mars. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Molly — A bit rebellious in Act I ; serious in Act III. 
Black gown and sheer white apron. In Act III, a raincoat 
and tam-o'shanter. 

Annette — Sweet and gracious. Petulant, restless and 
childish in Act II. Pretty summer gown and hat in Act I : 
same with man's overcoat in Act II. Evening gown in 
Act III. 

Shirley — Impulsive, high-spirited, vivacious — the finest 
type of the American girl. Summer gown and hat in 
Act I ; same with man's overcoat in Act II ; evening gown in 
Act III. 

Jennie — Very reserved in Act I ; dramatic in Act II ; dig- 
nified and poised in Act III. Black gown and sheer white 
apron in Act I ; raincoat in Act II ; evening gown in Act III. 

The Girls — Bright, attractive and up-to-date types. All 
wear light gowns and hats in Act I ; evening gowns in Act 
III. Rose is sentimental. Mary Lou matter-of-fact and 
inclined to be sarcastic. 

Mrs. Richmond — Imperious and wholly conventional. 
Elaborate evening gown and large feather fan. 

Bettina — Very serious. Simple, childish white dress 
with colored sash and hair ribbon. Hair may be bobbed or 
braided. 

Calhoun and Wayne are types of the splendid, earnest 
young men of the present crisis. Calhoun''s reserve toward 
Shirley shows a gradual weakening, but there is a serious- 
ness through it all. Both wear uniforms. 

Charlton — Typical characteristics of his nation. Wears 
plain business suit. 

Rutherford — White suit, shoes, Panama in Act T ; dark 
suit and overcoat in Act II ; uniform in Act III. 

The Guests — Hal, Walter and Jack wear white trou- 
sers and dark coats. Bob wears a uniform. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



Notice: The Publishers advise that the costumes for the 
soldiers should have such variation as not to interfere in any 
way with the Government regulations regarding the wearing 
of uniforms of the United States Army, Navy or Marine 
Corps. It is, of course, inferred that such costumes will be 
procured from a Costumer who undoubtedly will be able to 
supply something that will answer the purpose and avoid 
any criticism. 



PROPERTIES. 

Act I — Flag and flag pole. Green rugs for porch. Palms, 
potted plants, vines, etc. One large- round table and six 
chairs. Three smaller tables and six chairs. Menu cards, 
runners, vases of flowers for small tables. Elaborate lunch 
cloth, floral center piece, nuts, candies, etc., for large table. 
Tray, glasses, tea service, sandwiches, finger bowls, etc., .for 
Molly. Service pin for Molly. Roses for Annette. Knit- 
ting bag, ring and place cards for Shirley. Tray, ice tea, 
sandwich, lemonade, envelope and note for Jennie. Knitting 
and flower for Nell. Letter for Rose. Dog on long leash 
for Mary Lou. Cigarette for Calhoun. Knitting bags for 
girls. 

Act II — Table, lamp and matches with revolver in drawer 
of table. Chair and bench. Knitting bag with ball of yarn, 
envelope and handkerchief for Shirley. Revolvers for Cal- 
houn and Charlton. Lantern for Jennie. Overcoats for 
girls. 

Act III — Flags, palms, rugs, French window. Wicker 
settee, two large wicker chairs, telephone table with chair, 
pedestal with statue, piano lamp. Fan for Mrs. Richmond. 
Slippers, handkerchief and service pin for Bettina. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



SCENE PLOT. 



Act I. 



Flag Pole O 



/ 



Palms^"~~~ 



Table 0_5i_C_hair 



a 

r °o° °V° 

TabiG a id Chairs Table and Chairs 



Vt. Si 
Chair W w 
a V* ^- 

TableO^ \1; 2» 
Chair\'^ 



Door 



Act II. 



HDoor|- 



<^^~ 



Chair D 




^ Arch f- 



French 
Window 

D Chair 

'O Lamp 



Act hi. 



-^Arch^ 



Settee 




STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; R. C, right center; 
L., left ; 1 E. first entrance ; U . E. upper entrance ; R. 3 E., 
right entrance up stage, etc. ; up stage, away from f ootHghts ; 
down stage, near foothghts. The actor is supposed to be 
facing- the audience. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



The First Act. 

Scene: A veranda tea room. Landscape drop zvitJi float- 
ing flag on flag pole at C"., at Back. If possible, the back of 
the stage should be higher by a step or tzvo than the front, 
and the steps covered with green porch rugs. Entrances at 
R. U. E. and L. U . E. Door R. C. Large round table at C. 
ivith six chairs. Small table zvith three chairs at R. 2 E. 
Small table ivith two chairs, L. 2 E. Small table with one 
chair on platform L. of C. at Back. Railing domi L. with 
vines. Furniture shoidd be of white zvicker. Each table has 
a runner, a small z'ase zvith a floz^rr or tzi'o in the center, a 
menu card. Large table is elaborately adorned with basket 
of roses for center, mints, nuts, olives, etc. Floor is covered 
zvith green rugs. Palms and potted flozvers are arranged at 
bottom of steps, leaving zvide space at C. for entrance. 

Curtain rises upon Wayne at L. and Calhoun at R. of 
table dozvn R. Molly brings finger bozvls and crosses to 
table at L. and reads paper. Stage is well illuminated as it 
is afternoon. 

Calhoun (after using finger bozvl). So it's been wed- 
ding bells for you, old man! (Pushes back his chair.) 

Wayne. Two weeks ago to-night ; we're just back from 
the honeymoon. (Leaning forzvard) Clay, she's the finest 
girl in the world. 

Calhoun. They all say that, Bill. Be original. 

Wayne. Wait until you see her — and you'll wish that 
Fate had given you just such a girl to leave behind you. 

Calhoun. Do you believe in this sort of thing? 

Wayne. What sort of thing? 

Calhoun. These war marriages. 

Wayne. Hasn't my course of action proved very con- 
clusively that I do? 

9 



10 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

-^ — _ — _ • 

Calhoun. It's a type of war hysteria. 

Wayne. In some cases, perhaps, not in ours. 

Calhoun. Sort of a continuous illustration of — "Marry 
in haste, repent at leisure." 

Wayne. Exceptions to every rule, Captain Calhoun. 

Calhoun. Granted. But why the hurry? If the love is 
the real thing, it will be all the stronger for the test — and 
the man will be all the better soldier for the separation. 

Wayne. The best old philosopher in the world couldn't 
make me believe that, Clay. For I know that I'll be a truer 
patriot and a better fighter — over there — since I know that 
Annette is waiting for me — over here. 

Calhoun. But you may not come back, Bill. 

Wayne. You put it brutally. 

Calhoun. War is brutal ; we must face that fact from 
the first. 

Wayne. Then there is the memory — and Death itself 
can never rob us of the memory. 

Calhoun. You're the same old sentimentalist. 

Wayne. And you're the same old grouch. 

Calhoun. I'm not. 

Wayne. You are — and you need some nice girl to hu- 
manize you. 

Calhoun. Thanks for the kindly hint of my uncivilized 
state — but, remember, that for me, the only lady love is — 
war ! 

Wayne. Not a single maid to weep over you? 

Calhoun. Nary a one. 

Wayne. Not even an episode — or a flirtation? 

Calhoun. Nothing doing. Look here, Bill. I'm In this 
struggle heart and soul — I'm going to have a whack at 
Kaiser Bill if It costs me my life — and even If there were 
a girl, I'd— 

Wayne (qtiickly). Marry her. 

Calhoun. Oh, no, I wouldn't. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 11 

Wavxe. Oh. ves, you would. ' (CJwiigliig Jiis bantering 
tone.) When do you go? 

Calhoun. To New York — in the morning. 

Wayne. And you sail? 

Calhoun. Soon. ^ly ambulance experience has been a 
boost, also my knowledge of F^rench — so I'm promised the 
firing line. That's wdiy I'm taking a last look at tJiis — {look- 
ing around) — before I enter trench-land. 

Wayne. Let's hope that we'll make the same boat. {As 
lie looks about.) Heavens, how I hate to leave it all! 

Calhoun. There ! My point is proved. If you didn't 
have the domestic pull, going wouldn't be half so hard. 

AA'ayne. Don't you think it for a moment. Go to France 
and leave Annette, free and unattached, besieged by innumer- 
able civilians? Not much. 

Calhoun. You're an incorrigible idiot. {Rises and seats 
himself in chair nearer Wayne). Look here, Bilk I want 
to ask you something. 

Wayne. Fire away. 

Calhoun. Mr. Richmond, your father-in-law% is an 
official in the war department, isn't he? 

Wayne. Close to headquarters, in fact. Did you see the 
morning papers? 

Calhoun. Did I? That's why I'm talking. The fact 
that his dispatch box was opened and •valuable papers taken, 
needn't have been blazoned out for all the world to see. 

Wayne. How the papers got it is a mystery — in fact 
the whole thing is a mystery. No disturbance, no suspicion 
— and absolutely no clue to work upon. 

Calhoun {ivhistling). That's a queer proposition. Any 
other leaks lately ? 

Wayne. Several. Fortunately, the public has not been 
notified of them. 

Calhoun (abruptly) . What colors does an honest vessel 
carry at night? 

Wayne. Red to port and green to starboard. Why? 



12 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

V — 

Calhoun. Well, last night, late, from the beach — I saw, 
a couple of miles to the eastward, two green and two blue 
lights, dancing back and forth, to and fro, in a most suspic- 
ious manner. In a moment, the signal, if signal it was, 
was answered by a white flash from a mountain top. It 
blazed — stopped — and blazed again. 

Wayne. Well— what of it? 

Calhoun. In my humble opinion, there is some one in 
this place who is sending messages to an enemy war vessel. 

Wayne. Impossible ! 

Calhoun. Nothing is impossible in these days. And 
zvhy impossible? 

Wayne. Because a summer resort is hardly the suitable 
base for military operations. 

Calhoun. Even when an official of the war department 
has his home in that place? 

Wayne. He's seldom here. 

Calhoun. Nevertheless he's — liC7'e. And has it occurred 
to you that this particular coast with its islands and harbors, 
and these particular mountains with cracks and crevices and 
spruce and pine, are admirably adapted for concealment? 

Wayne. But — Clay ! An alien vessel near the Atlantic 
coast — it's ridiculous ! 

Calhoun. What about a submarine? 

Wayne. Germany* has need for them nearer home. 

Calhoun. Not if they are the only means of carrying 
direct information in case of German agents failing to com- 
municate by mail or by wireless. 

Wayne. Even so — it would take too long to transfer the 
information. 

Calhoun. Not with a submarine system of wireless 
relays across the ocean. 

Wayne {rising and pacing hack and forth.) By Jove — 
I believe you're right. 

Calhoun {rising). Who patrols this coast? 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 13 

Wayne. I'll take you to him now. If we've got to 
buck any such interference as a submarine, we'd better 
be at it. {Holds up check.) Molly — just charge this. 

Molly. Yes, lieutenant. {Crosses to table, takes check, 
lays paper which she has been reading upon the table and 
removes finger bozvls, going out at R. C.) 

Annette, ivith her hands full of roses, enters at 
L. U. E. 

Annette {dropping the roses.) Billv Joe! {Meets him 
at C.) 

Wayne {embracing her)Why, Nan! (Glancing around 
at the table.) I declare, I'd forgotten all about your having 
a party here. 

Annette. Why, Billy Joe ! 

Wayne {pidling forzvard Calhoun, zvho has gathered 
up the roses.) But look at my excuse, Nan — an old Yale 
friend whom I found wandering about the hotel this after- 
noon. 

Annette. Hov^ splendid! (Calhoun places roses in 
her hand.) 

Wayne. Bully old chap, too. We roomed together, foot- 
balled together, flunked together and — 

Calhoun. That'll be about enough from you. Bill. {As 
he takes Annette's hand.) Mrs. Wayne. Something tells 
me that we are to become fast friends. 

Annette. I'm sure of it. Any friend of Billy Joe is a 
friend of mine. (Wayne stands back of Annette.) 

Calhoun. Oh, come, now. Try to like me for myself. 

Annette. I do — already. • 

Calhoun. That helps a lot. 

Annette. Did you know Billy Joe very well? 

Calhoun. Almost too well. 

Annette {anxiously) . Wasn't he as nice as he is now? 
(Wayne holds up warning finger.) 

Calhoun. How could he be? He hadn't met \ou — then. 



14 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

. ^^ 

Annette. Oh, I do like your pretty speeches. 

Wayne (coming hetzueen them). He doesn't mean a 
word of them. Not ten minutes ago he was upholding the 
joys of single blessedness. 

Molly enters at R. C. and stands dozvn R. 

Calhoun. But, you see, / hadn't met you — then. 

Wayne. Look here ! I'm beginning to be glad that 
you're on your way to the front. 

Annette. Oh — arc you on your w^ay to the front? 

Calhoun. Tomorrow morning. 

Annette. Can't you put it off a day or so ? 

Calhoun. War orders aren't elastic — unfortunately. 

Annette. But at least you'll come to-night — tell him 
about to-night, Billy Joe, and make him come. 

Wayne. I've told him already — and he's coming. (Looks 
around.) Where are the girls? 

Annette. Still at the movies. I ran out between reels 
to fix the table. (Moves back of table at C.) 

Wayne. And Shirley? (Follows her. ) 

Annette. Stopped for the place cards. Oh, I wish you 
two would join the party. 

Wayne. We will — later. Right at present we're going up 
the beach — but it won't take long. 

Annette. Then I'll expect you. (Slips her hand in 
Wayne^s.) Good-bye. 

Wayne (as he leans over to kiss her). Excuse us, please. 

Calhoun (zvho has followed Wayne). Lucky dog, Bill. 

Wayne (langhing). And this from you — the woman 
hater! Come along. (With a wave of their hats to An- 
nette they pass out at R. U. E.) 

Annette (as she rushes to Molly at R. 2 E., who has 
been regarding the scene with much interest.) Oh, Molly, 
Molly! Isn't he wonderful? 

Molly. Stunnin'. Visitin' vou? 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 15 

Annette. Visiting uic! Billy Joe visiting me! 

Molly. Good gracious, Miss Nan. I ain't talkin' about 
Mr. Billy Joe. I'm all eyes for the Captain. 

Annette. And you think /^^''.y stunning? (With dignity.) 
I hadn't noticed. (Walks to L. of table at C.) 

Molly. Stranger in these parts, I reckon. 

Annette. Yes — a college friend of Lieutenant Wayne. 
Now that I stop to think of it, Billy Joe forgot to mention 
his name. Did you ever hear of anything so ridiculous ! 

Molly (sighing). Another fine fellow to be shot at! 

Annette. Please don't say that, Molly, please don't. 
(With forced cheerfulness.) Oh, doesn't the table look 
pretty ! Your work, I suppose. Come — let's put these roses 
around. 

Molly (as they lay a rose at each place at table at C). 
Better have chosen bleedin' hearts, Miss Nan. 

Annette. How dreadful ! 

Molly. For there's mighty few things to be thankful 
about these days. Ugh — here's a thorn. 

Annette. I'm glad of it — you deserve to be pricked. 
(Looking around the table.) Now let me see — all ready but 
the place cards. What can be keeping Shirley? (Stands L. 
of table.) 

Molly. First time Miss Shirley's been down? (Stands 
at R. of table.) 

Annette. The very first. She's too busy with Red Cross 
work this summer to — (suddenly). Oh, Molly — Molly — 
where did you get it? (Rushes to her.) 

Molly. Get what? 

Annette. Your service pin. 

Molly. Tim gave it to me. 

Annette. Oh, aren't you the proudest girl in the world 
— and the happiest ? 

Molly (pausing). No, I'm not the happiest — and you 
ain't, neither. Miss Nan. 



16 THE CAMOUFT.AGE OF SHIRLEY 

Annette. Oh, I am — I am. 

Molly. Happy to let him go away ? 

Annette. Proud to know that he wants to go. I 
shouldn't want the love of a man whose country didn't come 
first. 

Molly. The country don't mean that much to me, Miss 
Nan. (As she protests.) Oh, I know that I ain't sayin' the 
popular thing — but I'm speakin' the truth. 

Annette. You don't want him to go? 

Molly. I don't want him to go — there, it's out and I 
mean it. {Passionately.) Oh, it's different with you. Miss 
Nan — you have money, friends, and ev'rything — but Tim's 
my all — and a country ain't got the right to ask a woman to 
give up her all. 

Annette. That's wicked, Molly. 

Molly. I ain't sayin' it's right — but it's natural — and 
when the ship puts that big ocean between me and Tim, 
there won't be anything left for me but the blackest kind 
of night. 

Annette {touching her own pin). It's a star for the 
night, Molly — a light in the darkness. I try to look at it 
that way. 

Molly. Oh — Miss Nan — it ain't nothin' to me but a 
reminder of them who won't come back ! 

Annette {turning aside). Oh, Molly, you must not say 
such cruel things — you must not. I'm trying so hard to be 
brave and I'm making myself believe that Billy Joe is 
going — just for a little while. {Silence for a fezv moments, 
zvhile Annette covers Molly's Jiand zvith her own, winks 
hack the tears, forces herself to smile, then bends forzvard.) 
Molly, are you going to marry him before he goes? 

Molly {smiling). Rather. Do you think I'd let him 
loose among all them French high-fliers? Tim's a mighty 
good looker in his uniform, I'd have you know. 

Annette. Oh, don't let him think you're not trusting 
him. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 17 

Molly. It ain't Tim I'm not trustin' — it's them girls in 
gay Par-ee. {Crosses to small table doivn R. and takes 
paper from it.) Here's one of them now. (Holds up 
paper.) Got a name with a lot of letters you don't pro- 
nounce — say it, Aliss Nan. 

Annette (taking the paper). Jeanne Dupriez. She is 
good-looking, isn't she? And what's she done? 

Molly. Gone over to Kaiser Bill. 

Annette. I don't believe it. She looks too high bred. 
Let's see. (Reads.) Daughter of an illustrious house — • 
many services to government — entrusted with a secret mis- 
sion. (Turns to Molly.) What happened to her? 

Molly. Nobody knows — dropped right out of ev'ry thing 
— never been heard from. 

Annette (reading). It is generally believed that she 
finally yielded to the propositions of the enemy, surrendered 
papers of great importance — (pauses). Well, I don't believe 
a word of it. 

]\IoLLY. Neither do I. She looks like the kind that would 
answer any such proposition with bombs — bums — how do 
you say it, anyway? 

Annette (looking thoughtfidly at paper). Jeanne Du- 
priez. _ _ _ _. _ 
Enter Shirley at L. U. E. 

Shirley. Did you think I'd been submarined? Met 
everybody I ever knew on the way over here and — {hurry- 
ing to Molly) well — hello, Molly! It wouldn't seem quite 
natural not to have you welcome me back. 

(Annette lays paper on table down R., fakes cards from 
Shirley and slozvly places them around tJie table at C.) 

Molly. And it's good to have you here. Miss Shirley. 
You'll find it pretty changed. 

Shirley (looking around). Not here. Same attractive 
place, just as I remember it. (After a moment.) The only 
thing missing, Molly, is your smile. 

Molly. It's gone to w^ar — w'ith the men — ^liss Shirley. 



18 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

Shirley, Nonsense. Its place is — here — in America. 
How are the women to fight without cheerfulness and hope 
as ammunition? (Seats herself down R.) 

Molly. You haven't anybody — near to you — who's goin' 
— have you? 

Shirley {with sudden seriousness) . No, I haven't — and 
I'm sorry — for it's a great privilege to wear a star. 

Annette. That's what I've been telling her. Now — let 
me see. Mary Lou here — Rose there — Nell next to you — 
and Ruth by me. Pretty, isn't it? Now, Molly, if you'll 
pour the water, we'll be quite ready. (Stands L of table.) 

Molly. Yes, Miss Nan. (Exit at R. C.) 

Shirley (rising). Even Molly has a service pin. I feel 
like an outsider. (Seats herself at R. of table at C.) 

Annette. It's your own fault. If you'd cared a little 
more about men — 

Shirley. But I don't — and I can't — and I won't. 

Annette. Then what can you expect? I shouldn't think 
you'd zvant a service pin. (Seats Jierself at front of table 
at C, turning half -way to audience.) 

Shirley. But Nan, dear, I haven't said I couldn't care 
for a man! Why, I'd give anything if I had someone in this 
big world war — someone I could work for — be proud of — 
and wait for. 

Annette (in surprise). Why, Shirley Carlisle, T never 
before heard you talk like this. It isn't a bit Hke you. 

Shirley. Midsummer madness, perhaps. But Nan, I 
want a service pin — and I want a soldier — even if I have 
to pretend him. 

Annette. What do you mean? 

Shirley. Just what I say — pretend him. 

Annette. Oh — an imaginary person? 

Shirley. Not at all. Who wants a shadow when the 
substance is available? 

Annette. Then you're going to adopt a Sammy ? 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 19 

Shirley. Wrong; again. I intend to kidnap one — and 
what is more — I insist upon being engaged to him. 

Annette. Shirley! 

Shirley. Doesn't a fiance entitle one to a service pin? 

Annette. I suppose it does. 

Shirley. Well, it will in this case, anyway. 

Annette. I — don't — quite — understand — you. 

Shirley. It's very simple. I'll choose the name of some 
soldier — someone I've never heard of, never will meet, and 
who'll never hear of me — and I'll be engaged to him just 
as long as I care to wear the pin. 

Annette. Isn't that rather hard on the man? 

Shirley. Hard on the man ! Well, I like that. 

Annette. Of course if he never sees you — and doesn't 
know you — 

Shirley. Don't make it worse. 

Annette. No — Shirley — I don't approve. 

Shirley. That's just your old ulcerated conscience. 
Look here. What possible harm can there be in exploiting 
a fiance who will never know and who ought to be thankful 
that he is allowed the privilege of making love — in absentia. 

Annette (relenting) . It would be fun — 

Shirley. To announce it at the tea party? Rather. 

Annette. You haven't a ring. 

Si^irley. Oh, yes, I have — my own all reset — nobody 
will ever recognize it. (Transfers ring from right hand to 
left.) 

xAnnette. You haven't a service pin — and I won't lend 
you mine. 

Shirley. Wait till I ask you. I'm trusting Molly to help 
me out in that little detail. 

Annette. Then what else do you need? 

Shirley. Merely the man. 

Annette. It won't take a moment to settle him. (Rises, 



20 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

• 

goes to table down R. and takes paper.) Here's a paper — 
and a list of those sailing for France. 

Shirley. France — that's good. Distance lends safety — 
as well as enchantment. 

Annette {reads). John Anderson — • 

Shirley. My Jo, John. No, thanks. 

Annette. Reginald Courtney — 

Shirley {making a grimace). Next! 

Annette. Fritz Schondenbauer — 

Shirley. Himmel — no ! 

Annette. You're too hard to please. (Reads.) John 
Mason, William Price, Frederick Wilson, Matthew Pierce, 
Clay Calhoun — 

Shirley. Stop right there. Clay Calhoun — it's wonder- 
ful ! Even if he is a private I must have him. 

Annette. He's a captain. 

Shirley. Still more wonderful. Where's he from? 

Annette. Kentucky. 

Shirley. I adore Kentucky men. 

Annette. You don't adore any man. 

Shirley. But I do like 'em tall ! 

Annette. Captain Clay Calhoun ! 

Shirley (rising). Shirley Carlisle Calhoun! Doesn't it 
sound like a magazine name? 

Enter Molly at R. C. ivith a tray of glasses. 

Shirley. Molly, will you do me a favor — oh, the great- 
est favor in the world? (Goes to R. 2 E.) 

Molly. And what is there, Miss Shirley, that I can be 
doing for you? 

Shirley (rising). Lend me your service pin. 

Molly (setting dozvn tray on table at R. 2 E.) What? 

Shirley. Lend me your service pin — just for a little 
while — and Pll tell you — why — tomorrow. 

Molly. My service pin — 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 21 

Shirley. I didn't think you'd mind. 

Molly. Mind? Not much. It ain't as if I was partin' 
with the crown jewels. (Takes off pin and passes it to 
Shirley, zvho pins it on.) 

Shirley. There! I'm ready. 

Jennie enters at R. C, crosses, and busies herself at 
table at L. 2 E. 

Molly. But I thought you didn't have anybody to send 
to war? 

Shirley. I didn't — ten minutes ago — but now — some- 
thing's happened. 

Annette (nodding tozvard Jennie). Who is she? 

Molly (shrugging her shoidders) . That's Lady Clara. 
Vere de Vere. 

Annette. Lady — what? 

Molly. Jennie's her real name and she's taking IMaud's 
place for a week or so. 

Annette, ^^'hy do you call her Lady — whatever it is? 

Molly. Because she looks it and acts it. 

Shirley. I think she's pretty. 

Molly. She thinks so, too. 

Shirley (starting tozvard L) . Come along, Nan — let's 
meet the girls. 

Annette. And spring the news? (Joins Shirley at L.) 

Shirley. That's for later on. 

Annette (turning). 'By, Molly. (As they go out the 
door.) Shirley Carlisle Calhoun! 

Shirley. Ripping, isn't it? (Exeunt Shirley and An- 
nette at L. U. E. Molly proceeds to place the glasses of 
zvater around the table. Jennie zvanders listlesslv to L. 
U. E.) 

Jennie (as she looks after Shirley and Annette). 
Pretty, aren't they? 

Molly (stiffly). They are considered so. 



12 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

. 9 

Jennie. Friends of yours? 

Molly (emphatically) . Intimate and lifelong friends. 
Jennie. Who are they? 

Molly. Nobody as can be discussed in public. (Goes 
out R. C. violently whistling a patriotic air.) 

Charlton enters from L. U. E. and seats himself at table 
dozvn L. Jennie stands by him zvith pencil and paper, zvait- 
ing for his order, 

Charlton (zvith eyes on the menu card). Coast clear? 

Jennie. For the present. 

Charlton. Why did you choose this public place? 

Jennie. Because it is public. 
. Charlton. \\^as your mission successful? 

Jennie. The morning paper told you that. 

Charlton. Then you have discovered when the next 
transport is to sail? 

Jennie. Yes. 

Charlton. The code — 

Jennie (taking small envelope from pocket). Is here. 

Charlton. Keep it with you. 

Jennie. I can't. 

Charlton. And why? 

Jennie. I'm followed — I'm watched. 

Charlton. By whom? 

Jennie. I do not know. I can only feel that someone 
knows — and waits. 

Charlton (sharply). A case of nerves. 

Jennie. By this time you should know that nerves are 
not on my schedule. 

Charlton. Then prove it by keeping that envelope. 

Jennie. I can't — and it is not in my contract. 

Charlton. What do you mean? 

Jennie. That my work with you ends — tonight. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 23 

Charlton. The night is not over. 

Jennie. It is — as far as my part in your plans. 

Charlton. Is your information correct? 

Jennie. It is from headquarters. 

Charlton. But lately, reports even from headquarters 
have not tallied with actual events. 

Jennie. Change in administration policies unfortunately 
cannot be foreseen. My task has been merely to obtain the 
information — not to be responsible for alterations. 

Charlton. I understand that. 

Jennie. Then this is better transferred to you. (Gives 
him the envelope.) 

Charlton. No — I refuse — I — 

Enter Molly R. C. zvith tray of cups and saucers which 
she carries to Annette's place at L. of table. 
Jennie (zvriting). Ice tea — sandwich — (goes out R. C 
as Charlton slips envelope in his pocket.) 

Enter Annette at R. U. E., goes to chair L. of table at C. 
She is follozvcd by Ruth and Nell, the latter knitting as 
she walks. 

Ruth (pausing by Annette). Oh, how pretty! Look, 
Nell. 

Nell (walking slowly across the stage.) I can't look — 
no matter what's there. If I raise my eyes from this row, 
I'll drop a stitch. 

Annette. Bring the tea, Molly. The others are follow- 
ing. (Molly exits at R. C.) 

Ruth (as she crosses back of table). Roses! Place 
cards ! Oh, Nan, you extravagant thing — and in war times, 
too! (Finds her place at Annette's left and stands back 
of her chair with back to audience.) 

Annette. Don't worry. I've economized on the food. 

Nell (finishing her row). There! (Turns.) Oh, it is 
pretty! (Finding her card at Ruth's left.) And I'm right 
by Shirley. What luck ! Positively, meal time is the only 



24 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

« 

chance I have to lay down the knitting needle. (Hangs bag 
on chair.) 

In the meantime, Shirley and Rose have entered at R. 
U. E. and are standing at C. in F., reading letter. Molly 
enters at R. C. and brings tea to Annette. 

Ruth. Hurry up, Rose. You can read your letter here. 

Nell. Ls it from the French soldier or the Tommy? 
(Shirley crosses, followed by Rose.) 

Rose. Neither. My Sammy sent it. We're getting on 
famously. 

Shirley {finding her place at Nell's left and hanging 
bag on chair). He certainly covered some ground in that 
letter. {Indicates place at her left for Rose.) 

Ruth. You're engaged to all three, aren't you? {All 
seat themselves.) 

Rose. Only two. Correspondence course, you know. 
(Annette pours tea, zvhicli Molly serves.) 

Shirley. Sammy shows every indication of being the 
next on the list. 

Rose. Yes, I think so. Whenever they write "After the 
war — who knows?" I realize that it is all up w^ith them. 

Nell. Your conduct is scandalous — perfectly scandal- 
ous ! 

Jennie enters at R. C. ivith Charlton's order, places 
it on the table and zvithdraws at R. 

Rose. Doing one's bit is never scandalous. Allowing 
myself to be loved is simply my contribution to war service. 

Ruth. I dare say that the proper authorities would pre- 
fer that you direct your energies toward other ends. 

Rose. My greatest talent lies in this line. Therefore I 
dedicate it to the cause. {Complacently.) Nobody else 
could do it half so well. 

Nell. Nobody else would have the nerve. It's a v/aste 
of time. 

Rose. Making other people happy is never a waste of 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 25 

time, my dear — it's a gracious gift from heaven. And 
''after the war — who knows?" One of them may prove my 
fate. (Coaxingly.) Nan, may I have another lump of 
sugar? Being sweet to three men is a downright extrava- 
gance. (Molly passes sugar,) 

Annette. Where's ]\Iary Lou? 

Rose. Conservation met an enemy pup and began hos- 
tiHties. Mary Lou is probably offering peace proposals. 

As Mary Lou enters at R. U. E. zvith dog. 

Rose. Oh, here she is — who beat? 

Mary Lou. Conservation could have chewed up that pup 
without half trying, but I wouldn't let him. It's meatless 
day, you know. Sorry to keep you waiting. (As she slips 
dog's chain over chair.) Con — apologize to the hostess. 
(]\IoLLY serves sandzviches.) 

Nell. If I had been cheated out of a perfectly good 
meal I'd apologize to nobody. 

Mary Lou (seating herself at Annette's right). Why 
all the spiffiness? Somebody intend to announce an en- 
gagement? 

Shirley (zvho has been gazing intently at Charlton). 
Nan, who is he? 

Annette (halfzvay turning). One of the hotel guests. 
I don't know him. Why? 

Shirley. I've met him — at least I think I have. You'll 
excuse me for a moment? (Rises and approaches Charl- 
ton zvith outstretched hand.) Captain Scheppel ! It is in- 
deed a great surprise to see you on this side of the water. 

Charlton (zvho has risen). There is some mistake in 
identity, I fear. 

Shirley. I think not — for I rarely forget faces. You 
surely haven't forgotten the inquisitive American girl who 
was in Berlin several years ago and to whom you explained 
so many interesting things — such as machine guns. 

C?iarlton. My dear young lady, it's my misfortune and 
my loss not to be the friend you seek — but the privilege of 



26 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

• . 

meeting you has never come my way. I regret it exceed- 
ingly. 

Shirley. And I apologize for my mistake. (Reseats 
herself at table.) 

Mary Lou. Who is he, Shirley? (^^Iolly goes out at R.) 

Shirley. He's somebody who thinks I don't know that 
he knows that I think he's somebody else. 

Mary Lou (sarcastieaUy). How well you put things! 
I feel as if I had been introduced. Now that I know all 
about him I'll see that he gets a Red Cross button. Speak- 
ing of Red Cross — have you heard the latest? (Tells story 
to the others as — ) 

Jennie enters at R. C. and makes her ivay to Charlton, 
presumably ivitJi Jiis check. 

Charlton (as Jennie stands at his ru/Jif with back to the 
girls). Take this. (Slips envelope along the table.) 

Jennie. I can't — I told you why. 

Charlton. Well — I've been recognized — 

Jennie. Recognized? 

Charlton. By Miss Carlisle — there at the table oppo- 
site Mrs. Wayne. She means mischief — and I cannot leave 
this place with any document on my person. 

Jennie. What's to be done? 

Charlton. You know the date of sailing? 

Jennie. Yes — 

Charlton. Then signal it — seven-thirty — in my stead. 

Jennie. I can't — I can't — 

Charlton. You can — and will — or — 

Jennie (after a pause). As you say. But why not you? 

Charlton (coolly). I intend to kidnap Miss Carlisle. 

Jennie. This isn't a medieval situation. 

Charlton. But it is a desperate one. That girl must, 
not leave this room to spread any alarm — and you and I 
must both depart tonight. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 27 

Jennie. I had planned to do so. 

Charlton. I'll be outside — after I leave this room. 
When I signal, tell Miss Carlisle that an old friend wishes 
to speak to her on the driveway. FU do the rest. 

Jennie. Where do you take her? 

Charlton. To the cabin on the mountain. Join me 
there — after you signal. You understand? 

Jennie. Perfectly. But the paper? 

Rutherford appears at L. U. E. and zvatches, iinper- 
ceivcd. 

Charlton. Drop it in Miss Carlisle's knitting bag as 
you pass. I'll secure it later. 
Jennie. But — 
Charlton. Do as I say. 

Jennie moves azvay back of table at C. Rutherford 
goes to table L. of C. in F. As Jennie passes Shirley's 
chair she drops the envelope in the bag. Charlton, after 
watching Jennie's movements, rises and goes out L. U. E. 
Rutherford steps forzvard and motions to Jennie, who 
goes to him, takes his order and goes out R. C. 

Mary Lou. There's Neil Rutherford, old slacker. 

Rose. I like him just the same. 

Mary Lou. Your judgment as regards men, my dear, 
is not to be trusted. 

Nell. Let's call him over and rub it in. (Calls.) Neil! 

Rutherford (advancing) . I've just been waiting to be 
signalled. (Greets Shirley.) Well, Shirley, it's great to 
see you again. (Stands back of her chair.) 

Nell. How did you leave the trenches? 

Ruth. Isn't it hot weather for drilling? 

Mary Lou. And how very becoming your khaki is! 

Rutherford {laughingly, as he raises his hands). Kam- 
erad ! Kamerad ! 



28 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

• 

Mary Lou. It's no fun teasing you, Neil ; you're too 
good natured. 

Rutherford. And having a clear conscience helps, you 
know. 

Mary Lou. A clear conscience — a civilian suit — and 
a wartime situation ! There ain't no such animal ! 

Rose. I wish you'd enlist — or do something patriotic, 
Neil. I get so tired of hearing you discussed. 

Rutherford. Give me time. 

Mary Lou. We've been giving you time until there's 
hardly any left. Maybe that's what you want. 

Rutherford. T refuse to be entangled in the snares of 
any discussion. So long! {^Retires to table.) 

Jennie enters at R. C, senrs him zi'ith lemonade, slips 
him a note and goes out R. C. 

Rose. There ! I expect he's peeved. 

Ruth. 1 don't care if he is. 1 just saw that girl slip 
him a note. 

Annette. So he's that kind of a flirt! 

Nell. Too fond of the limousine life to be a soldier. 

Shirley. Is he as rich as all that? 

Mary Lou. Disgustingly so. 

Annette. He ought to be serving his country. 

Ruth. Everybody ought to be doing that. 

Nell. Oh dear — that means that I must get out my 
knitting again. (Sighs.) Each thought a purl! (Starts to 
knit.) 

Annette. We're all trying to be useful, but it seems 
such a mite when there is so much to be done. 

Rose (complacently). Well, as I said before, I am do- 
ing my bit — and doing It very satisfactorily. 

Nell. And the doctor has told me to choose between 
blindness and nervous prostration. Still I knit ! 

Rose. Well, in addition to my Red Cross work, I have 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 29 



the responsibility of sending good literature to the training 
camps. 

Rose. If you are planning to send Literary Digest and 
Atlantic Monthly, I'll warn you that they don't want them. 
I mail my soldiers Vogue and JVontan's Home Companion. 

Ruth. Rose! 

Rose. Why not? They like to know that such things as 
fashions and fripperies still exist. They told me so. 

Xell. • You're demoralizing to any camp. 

Rose. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm the original sunshine scat- 
tered Nan, may I have another lump of sugar? (Annette 
passes sugar.) 

■\Iary Lou. Vm tired of being a stay-at-home. I want 
to go to France. (Rutherford goes off at R. U. E.) 

Shirley. So do I. No one can drive an ambulance any 
better than 1. 

Mary Lou. Then why don't you go? 

Shirley. Dad won't let me unless T marry a soldier 
who will take me along. 

AL\RY Lou. Well, even matrimony would be endurable 
under such conditions. Oh, why was I born a woman ! 
Here we are — all wearing service pins and letting the men 
do all the work. 

Rose. Shirley hasn't a pin. 

Annette. Have you looked — carefully? 

Rose (looking). Why — why — Shirley! You didn't have 
it this morning. 

Ruth. Hold up your left hand. 

Nell. She's blushing! 

]\Iary Lou. And this tea party did mean an engage- 
ment. I knew it. 
•" Rose. Who is he, Shirley? 

Shirley (dramatieaUy). Captain Clay Calhoun! 

Rose. Clay Calhoun. (Sighs.) What -a heavenly name ! 



30 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

■ ■ • — 

(Annette, during the conversation, smiles behind tier 
hand.) 

Ruth. Have we ever met him? 

Shirley. No — I'm quite sure you haven't. 

Nell. How long have you been engaged to him? 

Shirley. Just lately. (Pauses.) Very lately. 

Mary Lou. Tell us how he looks. 

Shirley. Well — he's tall — 

Mary Lou. What color are his eyes? 

Shirley. Let me see. Dark — sometimes — and light — 
other times. You know what I mean. 

Mary Lou. I don't at all — but never mind that. Dark 
hair ? 

Shirley. Well, it's dark one way you look at it and 
light when the sun shines through it. You know. 

Mary Lou. He sounds like a human chameleon. Hasn't 
he any definite features? 

Ruth. How does it happen that you've never spoken 
of him? 

Shirley (zvith great solemnity) . There are some things, 
Ruth, too deep in one's heart to talk about. 

Nell. When will you be married? 

Shirley. Oh, I don't know. {Puts handkerchief to 
eyes.) He's going — to France 

Ruth. Oh — I'm so sorry. 

]\Iary Lou. Well, don't take it like that. Be sensible. 

Ruth {rising and putting her arm about Shirley). T 
know just how you feel. I have — three — myself — over 
there ! 

Nell. What fun if he could walk in upon us! 
Calhoun and Wayne appear at L. U. E. 

Annette. Here's Billy Joe — won't he do as well? 

{The two men make their zvay to the table and stand 
dozvn L.) 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 31 

Wayne. Hello, girls, here's a good old Yale man for 
you to meet. I'll introduce you to him in a bunch and 
straighten you out afterwards. (With a flourish.) Ladies 
— Captain Clay Calhoun ! 

(TJicre is a breathless silence. Shirley rises and crosses 
to R. 2 E. Annette hurries to her, crossing back of table. 
TJiey stand as if petrified.) 

Nell {rising). My wish has come true. {Comes for- 
ward ivith outstretched hands.) Captain Calhoun, what a 
perfectly lovely surprise! {Crosses and stands by Shir- 
ley.) 

Ruth {hurrying to him). Shirley's just told us the news 
— congratulations ! {Shakes hands effusively and stands at 
his left.) 

Rose {joining them). She is the most wonderful girl in 
the world — but of course you know that without my saying 
so. {Stands at his right.) 

Mary Lou {scrutinizing him as she shakes his hand). 
Your eyes aren't shifty — your hair isn't dyed — so I begin 
to think you are a perfectly definite proposition. In fact 
I quite approve of you. (Calhoun stands dazed through 
it all.) 

Wayne {who, puzzled, is standing back of table). What 
is the matter with all you girls? 

Nell. Why, don't you know? Shirley's just announced 
her engagement to Captain Calhoun. 

Wayne. Whatf 

Nell. You w^eren't In the secret? What a joke on you! 

Wayne {crossing). See here, Clay, what does this 
mean? {Stands between Rose and Calhoun.) 

Calhoun {bewildered). You heard the statement, didn't 
you ? 

Wayne. Well, I want you to explain. 
Calhoun. It seems to have been sufficiently explained — 
Ruth. Rather, with a ring, a service pin, and — 
Wayne. Well, why in thunderation did you tell me all 



2,2 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

-^ 9 

that rot about war being your only lady love — and nary a 
maid to weep for you? 

Calhoun. Wait Bill — give a fellow the chance to col- 
lect his wits. 

Wayne. Thought you were a sly old dog, didn't you? 
And that you'd get the laugh on me? ^^'ell, if there is any 
humor in this situation, I fail to see it. 

Calhoun. I agree with you. 

Wayne. Engaged all the time to Shirley Carlisle, my 
wife's best friend, and couldn't tell me about it. You're all 
kinds of an idiot, Clay Calhoun. 

Calhoun. Look here, Bill, I don't like your tone. 

Wayne. And I don't like your idea of a joke. 

Annette {zvho has come dozvn to front stage). Billy 
Joe! (Stamps foot.) Come here. (Wayne crosses to her 
as the girls surround Calhoun, gaily chattering.) It's all 
your fault. (Stamps foot again.) All your fault, I say! 
Why didn't you tell me that man's name? If you had, of 
course Shirley wouldn't have been engaged to him. 

Wayne (hezvildered). Say that again — I don't get you. 

Annette. Nobody but you is to blame for It. 

Wayne. Blame for what? 

Annette. Shirley's engagement. 

Wayne. How in the dickens am I to blame for Shir- 
ley's engagement? I didn't even know of it. 

Annette. It never would have happened if you had 
told me the name of that man. 

Wayne. I don't know what you mean. 

Annette. Oh, yes you do — and it's your fault that Shir- 
ley isn't engaged to somebody else. 

Wayne. A moment ago I was to blame for her being 
engaged to Clay. Is everybody crazy? 

Annette (weeping). No — just you. 

Wayne. Look here, Nan — 

Annette. If you'd only explained — 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 33 

Wayne {seising her arm), ^^'ell, somebody besides me 
is going to do a little explaining. 

Annette. Don't jerk my arm, William Joseph. 

Wayne. And she's going to do it right now. (Turns 
her around and forces Jier protestingly to back stage.) 

Annette (as sJie f^asses Shirley). It's all your fault, 
Shirley. If you hadn't chosen that name — 

(Wayne pushes her to table on porch at which they seat 
themselves. Annette tells the story in pantomime, Wayne 
listens, incredulous at first, and is gradually overcome with 
mirth . ) 

Ruth. Going tomorrow morning, aren't you, Captain? 
And here we are stealing your very last moments with 
Shirley. (Suddenly.) Or perhaps you are expecting to take 
her with you ? 

Calhoun (decisively). I think not. 

Nell (taking flower from belt and crossing to him). 
Well, in case there should be a wedding, here's a bit of a 
decoration. (Pins it on him.) Now you look like a real 
bridegroom. (Calhoun's expression becomes more set.) 

Mary Lou. Cheer up, Captain. We're going and then 
you can have Shirley all to yourself. Conservation, salute 
the Captain — give him your paw and wish him luck. (Cal- 
houn grimly takes the outstretched paw.) 

Rose. It's been the loveliest kind of a surprise — Clay— 
(coquettishly) . You don't mind if I call you Clay, do you? 

Calhoun (zvith an effort). Oh, no — certainly not. 

(The sound of a bugle is heard. The girls rush to C.) 

Ruth. The flag — they are lowering it. (Looks off R.) 

(Calhoun goes to steps, stands at attention, as does 
Wayne. As the bugle call dies azvay, Annette and 
Wayne leaz'c the porch and the girls crozvd off together. 
Rose turns and zvaves.) 

Rose. Till tonight! (Exeunt all but Calhoun and 
Shirley. For a moment Shirley and Calhoun calmly 
survey each other.) 



34 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

• 

Calhoun (coolly). Well? 

Shirley. Well? 

Calhoun. I'm waiting for an explanation. 

Shirley. I flatter myself that the situation has been 
made — quite obvious. 

Calhoun. A man who has been matrimonially disposed 
of naturally desires — details. 

Shirley. You've really been corking about it all. I'm 
duly grateful. 

Calhoun. Don't bestow unmerited gratitude. If there 
had been a possible chance to escape — I should have escaped. 

Shirley. You might have denied the story. (Scats her- 
self R. of tabic at C.) 

Calhoun. But that would have been decidedly uncom- 
fortable for you, I fancy. (Crosses back of table.) 

Shirley. Oh, quite. But discipline is wholesome. 

Calhoun. Down in Kentucky we don't discipline women. 

Shirley. So I've heard. In fact, as soon as I saw you, 
I was quite sure that I might continue in my dark career 
of crime — unchecked. 

Calhoun. Don't make a comedy out of this. 

Shirley. Comedy? Isn't breaking one's engagement 
usually considered — tragedy? 

Calhoun. Is it presumption in me to ask how long I've 
been — appropriated? (Scats himself back of table.) 

Shirley. Hardly a half hour. Quite record breaking, 
isn't it? You see, I'm not really engaged to you. 

Calhoun. Indeed ! In my present bewildered condition, 
any explanation is gratefully received. 

Shirley. It was your name. If you had been Fritz 
Schondenbauer you would have escaped. 

Calhoun. WHiat's the matter with my name? 

Shirley. Nothing. That's the point. It is temptingly 
alliterative, aristocratic and alluring. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 35 

Calhoun. How did you ever hear of me? 

Shirley. Oh, let's ehminate — you. It's only your name 
that's important. I found it in a paper and immediately 
took possession. 

Calhoun. But why? 

Shirley. In order to wear a service pin a fiance was 
necessary. Now do you see? 

Calhoun. Was it impressed upon your vivid imagina- 
tion that there was a possibility of my appearing? 

Shirley. Oh, no. I thought you were safe in France. 
Your entrance at the crucial moment was a trifle discon- 
certing. One doesn't expect such things to happen in real 
life. 

Calhoun. Well, what's the rest of the story? (Rises.) 

Shirley. The rest of the story? Isn't that rather up to 
you? 

Calhoun. I suppose you wish me to continue in this 
ridiculous role. 

Shirley. Only until tomorrow morning, when fate 
kindly removes you from the scene of action. A violent 
quarrel will be the cause of the broken engagement. 

Calhoun (after a pause). I'll do my best. 

Shirley. Brave man! (Whimsically.) Is it so very 
disagreeable? 

Calhoun. Well, it doesn't exactly appeal to me. 

Shirley. I've made you the center of attraction. 

Calhoun. And forced me to listen to a lot of silly 
twaddle. 

Shirley. In which excessive attention was lavished 
upon you. Why, you're leading man without any efifort on 
your part. 

Calhoun. That's just it. I prefer to manage my own 
affairs and to reach the limelight through my own endeav- 
ors. (Walks to back of stage.) 

Shirley. One of these masterful men. Dear me! 



36 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

. — — — • 

Calhoun (looking out). It's getting late. 

Shirley. And you probably have other things to do. 

Calhoun. Not at all. You must have realized the final- 
ity of your friends' suggestion that my last moments were 
to be spent with Shirley. 

Shirley. Well, haven't I amused you? Haven't you seen 
my poor little house of cards collapse? Haven't you heard 
me bid adieu to all my hopes and dreams and aspirations? 
{Pitts handkerchief to eyes.) 

Calhoun {coming close to her). Oh, come now — if you 
take it like that — 

Shirley {laughing). Oh — Clay Calhoun — haven't you 
any sense of humor? {Rises.) 

Calhoun. Only a keen appreciation of the ridiculous. 

Shirley {going to steps). It's cloudy — fitting climax to 
our melodrama and the proper moment for the desperate 
heroine to venture into the cold, cold world. To be quite 
realistic the rain should be dashing, the thunder crashing 
and the lightning flashing as weeping she leaves the home 
of her childhood, equipped only with — 

Calhoun. A knitting bag. {Takes her hag from the 
chair.) Don't forget yours. {As she takes it a large ball of 
yarn falls out. He dives for it.) Every good patriot car- 
ries just such a cannon ball as this, doesn't she? 

Shirley. Of course. It serves as a weapon of defense 
— it helps to ensnare masculine hearts — 

Calhoun. And to trip masculine feet. Between acts 
the other night the usher had to extricate me from a tangled 
web. 

Shirley. And one could hide love letters in it. 

Calhoun. Better say a state document. {Half to him- 
self.) By Jove, it would be a good means of transporta-. 
tion and nobody would suspect. 

Enter Jennie at R. C. 

Jennie. I beg your pardon for the interruption. Miss 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY Zl 

Carlisle, but a friend asks you to see her for just a moment. 
Her car is at the rear. 

Shirley. Ask her to come around to the front. It's 
probably Mrs. Wayne. 

Jennie. She has only a minute to spare and has a mes- 
sage for you. 

Shirley. How strange ! Very well — tell her I'm com- 
ing. {Exit Jennie at R. C). Good-bye, Clay. (Holds 
out her hand.) Till tonight. 

Calhoun {as he takes her hand). Till tonight — Shirley. 

Shirley. That's splendidly done. If you could slip in 
an occasional dear, it would help. 

Enter Annette from L. U. E. 

Annette {crossing). We're waiting, Shirley. The car 
is in front and I'm to bring you, too. Captain. Billy Joe has 
gone to send a telegram but will join us later. {To Cal- 
houn.) You'll come? 

Calhoun. Of course I'll come. 

Annette. And will stay to our little dance? 

Calhoun. I promised Bill to do that. 

Annette. Then everything is settled. Hurry ! 

Shirley. Just a moment, Nan. Somebody on the rear 
driveway wants to speak to me — on important business. 

Annette. \A^ell, I'll just come along — and we'll meet 
you in front, Captain. {They pass out at R. U. E. Shir- 
ley turiis and nods to Calhoun, zvho bows gravely.) 

Almost immediately Jennie enters from R. C. Calhoun 
nervously lights a cigarette and strolls to L. U. E. A sud- 
den shriek breaks the stilbiess. He ga::;es into the gathering 
darkness, the cigarette drops from his fingers and he hur- 
ries back into the room. As he takes his hat zvhich he has 
laid on table at C, Jennie gasps and staggers toivards him. 
He catches her as she faints. 

Calhoun {looking helplessly at her). Great heavens! 
Curtain. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



The Second Act. 

Scene: A deserted cabin. Door R. of C, uncurtained 
window L. of C. at Back. Fireplace dozvn L. Rough tabic 
ill front of fireplace, with chair R. of table and a trifle up 
stage. Lamp and matches on table. Bench R. 2 E. Door 
dozvn R. 

At rise, stage is in darkness and is clear. After a rno- 
uient the door R. of C. is opened. Shirley and Annette 
are thrust inside tJie room and the door is violently slammed. 

Shirley {as she shakes the door). We're locked in! 

Annette {hiding her face on Shirley's shoulder). Oh, 
Shirley, Shirley ! I'm frightened to death. 

Shirley. Where are we? {They come to C.) 

Annette. How should I know? Miles and miles from 
everybody. 

Shirley. And somewhere up a mountain side — 

Annette. With a dreadful man in a black mask to 
guard us. Oh, what does it all mean, Shirley? 

Shirley. That we have been kidnapped — kidnapped — 
just as surely as if we were living in the middle ages. 

Annette. But why? 

Shirley {cautiously). I'll answer that when I'm sure 
that we are — alone. {Looks around.) 

Annette. Oh, if Billy Joe were only here! 

Shirley. Well, he isn't, and we face the stern fact that 
we must depend upon our own wits. 

Annette (sobbing). Oh, I'm afraid — I'm afraid — 

Shirley (shaking her). Nan, are you a soldier's wife 
or just a helpless, clinging vine? 

Annette (calming herself). I'm a soldier's wife. Thank 
you for reminding me. 

Shirley. Now we'll investigate. I see a lamp over 
there and my Sherlock Holmes intuition tells me that where 
there is a lamp there are matches. {They cross to table.) 

^8 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 39 

Annette (feeling). A whole box^take one. (Shirley 
lights lamp and stage is half illuminated.) 

Shirley. Attractive, isn't it? (Looks around and goes 
to fireplaee.) And there are signs of Hfe — cigar ashes, bits 
of paper, cigarette stubs. Evidently this is the Bandits' Re- 
treat or the Den of Thieves. 

Annette (szvallozmng hard). Oh, Shirley! 

Shirley (pointing to R.). There's a door — suppose you 
investigate. 

Annette (erossing slowly). Perhaps there's been a mur- 
der-— and — it's — there! (Sinks on bench.) 

Shirley. Nonsense. I'll look myself. (Starts to door, 
hesitates, then seats herself by Annette.) But what's the 
use of being too curious ! 

Annette (looking nervously around). We're alone. 
Now tell me what you promised. 

Shirley. You remember the man to whom I spoke this 
afternoon? 

Annette. Yes. 

Shirley. He is Captain Scheppel whom I met in Ber- 
lin. I recognized him immediately, and this pleasant little 
surprise party is to keep me safely hidden until he can 
make his escape. 

Annette. But why — take mef 

Shirley. You unfortunately happened to be along, my 
dear, and he couldn't gracefully get rid of you. 

Annette. Will he come — liereF 

Shirley. I think he will. {Silence for a few moments, 
then Annette sniffs suspiciously.) What's the matter, 
Nan? 

Annette. Nothing — nothing at all. I was just thinking 
about Billy Joe. Have you a handkerchief ? I've lost mine. 

Shirley. I'm sure there's an extra one in my knitting 
bag. I'll look. (Looks in her bag.) Right on top. (Hands 
handkerchief to Annette.) 



40 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

1 . . 

Annette (apologetically). I think I've taken a little cold. 
All this rain — and this chilly room — 

Shirley (taking envelope from bag). What's this — and 
how did it get there? (Rises and goes to lamp, followed 
by Annette.) 

Annette. It's an official envelope. 

Shirley. So I see. (Opens it.) x\pparently a code of 
some kind. Is it the one taken from your father's box, I 
wonder ! 

x\nnette. Probably. But how^ did it get in your bag? 

Shirley. Evidently it's a trap. There's more at stake 
than I suspected — and this envelope must not fall into that 
man's hands. Wc can't destroy it — and it must not be 
found upon us. (They cross to C.) 

Annette. Then — hide it. 

Shirley. But where? 

xA-NNETTE. Here. (Looks around.) Surely there's a 
place. 

Shirley. No. T think not. Lie's probably familiar with 
every crack and crevice. 

Annette. I'll slip it in my shoe. 

Shirley. No, you won't. It must not be upon either 
of us. I insist upon that. 

Annette. Slit the lining of your bag and drop it in. 

Shirley. That would show. (Suddenly.) But there's 
another way — why didn't I think of it before? (Takes ball 
of yarn.) In here ! 

Annette. How? 

Shirley. Unwind it far enough to push m the envel-' 
ope. (Glancing over her shoulder at zvindozv.) Come — 
let's move away from any possible spectator. (Cross to R. 
U. E., wJiere they unwind the yarn.) 

Annette. Now that's enough. Hold it — so — and I can 
push — this — into the center. (Hides envelope in ball of 
yarn.) 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 41 



Shirley'. The best kind of a hiding place, isn't it? 

Annette. And perfectly safe if you keep. your knitting 
with you. 

Shirley. I won't do that — at first. He's clever — and 
he might suspect. 

Annette {listening). There's someone coming! 

Shirley pushes Annette on heneJi, hurries aeross to 
table, hanging th.e bag on the ehair and leaning against the 
table. The door R. of C. at Back opens. Charlton enters, 
eloses the door and stands zvith his baek against it. 

Shirley. Captain Scheppel ! I thought so. Even with 
the mask I recognized you. 

Charlton. Miss CarHsle is gifted with keen percep- 
tions. (Bows ironically.) 

Shirley. And Captain Scheppel, like the country from 
which he comes, fails to realize that even through disguises 
a personality is discernible. 

Charlton. You still persist in calling me Captain 
Scheppel ? 

Shirley. Not at all. Why should the use of a rightful 
name be called persistency? Charlton is quite too Ameri- 
can for you. (Turns.) You haven't met Mrs. Wayne, I 
believe. Nan, this is the host to whom you are indebted 
for this delightful surprise. 

Annette (sarcastically) . So lovely to include me in your 
house party, Captain Scheppel. Your bungalow is charm- 
ing. 

Shirley (pointing to chair). Won't you be seated? And 
shall I ring for tea ? 

Charlton. Miss Carlisle is inclined to be facetious. 

Shirley. Facetiousness, I fancy, is quite wasted upon 
one of your nationality. 

Charlton (curtly). Let us leave my nationality, as you 
call it, wholly out of the question. (Comes nearer to her.) 

Shirley. In these days, Captain Scheppel, that is quite 



42 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

9 

impossible. (Sharply.) Come— this is all camouflage. Tell 
me, and tell me quickly, why you have subjected us to this 
insult. 

Charlton. In time of war, unavoidable procedure is 
not necessarily an insult. 

Shirley. Indeed ! As our respective countries have dif- 
ferent standards of honor, the question is not worth the ar- 
gument. 

Charlton (shrugging his shoulders). Agreed. (Re- 
turns to door.) 

Shirley. Then, with such an admission, suppose you 
confess that you are Captain Scheppel. 

Charlton. Of course I'm Captain Scheppel. Your 
amazingly good memory has caused me no little incon- 
venience. 

Shirley. Then it has not lived in vain. 

Charlton. And had you been discreetly silent, you and 
your friend would not be — my guests — at the present mo- 
ment. 

Shirley. It's a great experience. 

Charlton (bozving to Annette). And it has been 
thrust upon Mrs. Wayne. As a witness of our — departure, 
shall I say — it would have been extremely hazardous to 
leave her behind. 

Annette (angrily). Rather. By this time Billy Joe 
would have been on your trail and — 

Charlton (mockingly). My dear young lady, do you 
really suppose that a little dog could prevent my escape ? 

Annette (rising). A little dog! (With dignity.) I am 
speaking of my husband, Captain Scheppel. 

Charlton (bozving). A thousand pardons! And yet I 
am still forced to say that even Lieutenant Wayne would 
have proved quite — harmless. 

Annette (furiously). Oh, would he? Would he? Do 
you realize. Captain Scheppel, that Lieutenant Wayne is. a 
part of the biggest fighting machine in the world? 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 43 

Charlton (at C). Oli, the complacency and the i\f^no- 
rance of you Americans ! Do you think that any feeble 
stroke of your country can stay for a moment the onward 
march of a nation entrusted by heaven with the true struc- 
ture of human existence ? 

Shirley (crossing to him). Stop right there! For I'm 
getting madder and madder every minute, and if I reach the 
boiling point — 

Charlton (checking her). Pray don't, Miss Carlisle. 
You have both been so surprisingly tractable and docile — 

Shirley. When you expected weeping, wailing and hys- 
eria? You don't know the American girl, Captain Scheppel. 

Charlton. Perhaps I do not care to further the ac- 
quaintance. 

Shirley. Then in the face of such mutual hostility, sup- 
pose you open that door and let us go. [Starts tozvard 
door.) 

Charlton (blocking her Tvay). So that you can spread 
the alarm? Surely you do not credit me with so little dis- 
cretion. Miss Carlisle. You should have acted this after- 
noon — wdien the opportunity was given you. 

Shirley. Unusual events — hindered — me. I regret it. 

Charlton. And I am duly grateful. As it is, you will 
remain here until I have escaped from your shores. 

Annette. That is quite impossible. My husband and I 
are giving a little dance at nine — naturally, we must be ex- 
cused. 

Charlton (sarcastically). And that I should be the un- 
willing agent who thwarts such plans ! 

Annette. You mean — 

Charlton. I shall leave you here — later — and shall lock 
the door behind me. Unfortunately, there is but one car, 
and in my greater need I shall use it. 

Annette (zveakly). \Ve must stay here — all night? 
(Sinks on bench.) 

Charlton. Unless you can break the lock — and find 



44 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

1 

your way. Remember, it is raining, it will be late, and if I 
am not mistaken, you have no idea of where you are. 

Shirley (crossing to table and seating herself in chair). 
Then for the present we accept your hospitality. I trust 
that you have provided amusement for the tedious wait. 

Charlton (at C). I try to be considerate of my guests. 
Accordingly, we shall first join in the game of — hunt the 
envelope ! 

Shirley, I fear you must explain. 

Charlton. I think not. 

Shirley. Please don't jest, Captain Scheppel. It's tire- 
some. 

Charlton. Then hand me the document which is in 
your knitting bag. 

Shirley. I don't believe I understand you. 

Charlton. I can put it in no simpler language. (Comes 
to her.) 

Shirley. What document? 

Charlton. Look and see. 

Shirley. There is some ridiculous mistake. (Takes her 
bag.) 

Charlton. A\'ait — let me investigate. 

Shirley (handing hiui the bag). Certainly. I prefer it. 
(Hurries to Annette.) 

Charlton (after examining the contents). It is not 
here. (Crossing to Shirley.) You have it in your pos- 
session. 

Shirley. I don't like your tone. 

Charlton. Nevertheless, I repeat that you have it in 
your possession. 

Shirley. I infer that this document is one whose con- 
tents would be beneficial to your country ; whose loss would 
be detrimental to mine. 

Charlton. Your inference is correct. Accordingly, any 
delay and subterfuge is useless. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 45 

Shirley. I have no such paper. M}- word should 1)c 
sufficient. 

Charlton. But it is not. 

Shirley. Why should this envelope be in my bag? 

Charlton. I saw it — dropped. 

Shirley. Saw^ it — dropped? Then — this afternoon. 
(Suddenlv.) Oh, I see! The foreign-looking waitress. 
(At C.) ' 

Charlton. Never mind wJio. The point is that you 
were to be the unconscious messenger. 

Shirley. Who has failed you. I realize your disap- 
pointment. 

Charlton. You have not failed me — yet. 

Shirley. Perhaps someone else saw it change hands. 

Charlton. No one — but myself. 

Shirley. Then it has undoubtedly been removed. 

Charlton. By you. 

Shirley. Absurd! 

Charlton. Or by some one who talked to you — after- 
wards. 

Shirley. A number of people talked to me — afterwards. 

Charlton. You know what T mean. Someone who 
took the bag from you — or handed it to you. (As Shir- 
ley's expression changes.) Ah, there was such a person. 

Shirley (defiantly). There was no such person. 

Charlton (seizing her hands). Tell me the truth! 

Shirley. Then — listen ! Do you think for a moment 
that if I had such a paper I'd hand it out to — you? A paper 
which would mean misfortune to my country? Why I've 
years and years of fighting ancestors back of me — men who 
strove for good, true things — and I've inherited some of 
their fighting spirit I hope. There's your answer, Captain 
Scheppel ! (Throws off his hands.) Now, what are you 
going to do about it? '{Crosses to table and leans upon it.) 



46 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

» 

Tzvo short knocks, repeated three times are heard. Be- 
fore one can anszver, the knob is turned, the door opens and 
Calhoun enters quickly, standing with his back against the 
door and leveling revolver. Annette rises in agitation. 

Calhoun. Hands up, please ! I'm from Kentucky — and 
I shoot — straight. (Charlton hesitates, then raises his 
hands.) Kindly remove any weapon which he may have, 
Miss Carlisle. {As Shirley takes revolver from Charl- 
ton's pocket.) Hand it to me. {Takes revolver.) Thank 
you. Mine happens to be unloaded. (Turns to Charlton.) 
And now — Mr. Whoever-you-are, we'll listen to an expla- 
nation. 

Charlton {loivering his hands). I fancy that any ex- 
planation will come — first — from you. (Shirley withdrazvs 
to L.) 

Calhoun. As you wish. I happened to see your unex- 
pected and unconventional departure, and as Mrs. Wayne's 
car was at hand, I followed. A puncture and un familiarity 
with the roads delayed me. 

Charlton. Haven't you omitted — details? {Stands at 
L. of Calhoun.) 

Calhoun. Perhaps I have, such as the temporary over- 
throw of your chauffeur. At present he is securely bound 
and quite speechless, after imparting to me the particular 
signal which would give me entrance. Two short knocks, 
repeated at intervals, three times. Could it by any chance 
stand for Deutschland ueber alles? 

Charlton. Have you fini'shed? 

Calhoun. Not quite. But the rest hardly concerns the 
ladies and it might not be pleasant for them to witness. 
[Turns to Annette.) You will find the car at the first 
bend in the road, and the tracks are quite fresh enough to 
follow easily. Now — go. (Annette hurries to door.) 

Shirley. Without you? Not a step. 

Annette. Don't be foolish, Shirley. Please think of 
Billy Joe and me. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 47 

Shirley. I'm not thinking of anyone but Captain Cal- 
houn. 

Calpioun. And Captain Calhoun prefers to be a free 
agent. Please don't argue the matter, but do as I say. 

Shirley. I don't take orders. 

Calhoun. But I give them — and I expect to be obeyed. 

Annette. Oh, Shirley — Shirley! Come, come! (Goes 
to her.) 

Shirley (coming to chair). Do you know who this man 
is? He is Captain Scheppel of the German army. 

Callioun ("cchistling). Oh, I see! The situation grows 
in interest, and perhaps if left to ourselves, Captain Schep- 
pel will explain his purpose in coming to this particular part 
of the Atlantic coast. It may be that this is the very moun- 
tain from which the signals have been flashed. 

Charlton (threateningly). Who are you? 

Calhoun. An American soldier on his way to Berlin. 

Charlton. Indeed ! Sometimes a destination is never 
reached. 

Calhoun. And often a seemingly successful mission- 
fails. 

Charlton. These are days in which it is safer for one 
not to interfere with affairs that do not concern him. 
(Crosses back of Shirley to back of table.) 

Calhoun. But if they do concern him? 

Cliarlton. We are wasting time. You must confess 
that your presence here, unsolicited, is a mistake — and that 
you have no right — 

Calhoun (coolly). Oh, haven't I? Mrs. Wayne is the 
wife of my friend ; Miss Carlisle is my fiancee. When they 
leave us I'll thrash you within an inch of your life for daring 
to lay a finger upon them. 

Charlton. They haven't left us — yet. 

Calhoun. What do you mean? 

Charlton (as he takes revoher from table draicer and 



48 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

p ■- 

levels it). That I hold the last trick, after all. (Annette 
runs to bench.) The revolver in your hand, Captain Cal- 
houn, is also unloaded. This is the one which I keep for 
emergencies. So — for the present — I shall ask the ladies 
to be seated. 

Annette (hysterically) . I won't be seated. I won't stay. 
(Sits.) 

fCALHOUN examines the revolver which he holds, finds 
that it is empty, throzcs it down and starts to Charlton.) 

Charlton (holding up hand). Ji-^st a moment, please. 
Before we begin hostilities, I must make a final request of 
^liss Carlisle and remind her that much depends upon her 
compliance with it. 

Calhoun. Very well — speak out. 

Charlton. ]\Iiss Carlisle — understands. Accordingly, 
let her hand over the envelope. 

Shirley. I have no envelope to give you. 

Charlton (ironically). I notice that Miss Carlisle al- 
ways answers my questions evasively. Her regard for ab- 
solute truth is praiseworthy. 

Shirley. Truth is hardly the weapon to use in fighting 
yon, Captain Scheppel. (Seats herself in chair.) 

Calhoun. Shirley, what is this paper? 

Shirley. A mysterious something concerning which 
Captain Scheppel has been rather non-committal. 

Calhoun. How did it come into your possession? 

Shirley. Captain Scheppel says that it was dropped into 
my knitting bag. By one of his agents, I presume. 

Charlton. You understand now. Captain Calhoun, my 
interest in Miss Carlisle. 

Calhoun. But I don't understand why she should be 
brought — here. 

Shirley. I can- answer that. This afternoon I recog- 
nized Captain Scheppel as an officer whom I had met in 
Berlin some time ago. Naturally, it is to his advantage to 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 49 

keep me in seclusion until he can make his escape, and, quite 
unconsciously, I have become a party to an international 
situation. 

Calhoun. It is, quite possible that the document may 
have been removed by a third person. 

Cttarltox. Exactly. ]\Iiss Carlisle admitted that there 
was a third person. 

Shirley. I admitted nothing of the sort. 

Charlton. Your denial was so emphatic that it was 
equivalent to an admission. 

Calhoun. Wdl — I was the third person. As I handed 
the knitting bag to Miss Carlisle, it was very easy for me 
to extract the envelope. (Charlton crosses back of Shir- 
ley to left of Calhoun.) 

Charlton. It would have been easy — ^but it wasn't. 
Your bluff won't work. 

Calhoun. What do you mean? 

Charlton. That experience has made me a judge of 
human nature. You never saw that envelope, Captain Cal- 
houn. 

Calhoun. Nor did J\liss Carlisle. 

Charlton. It will take time to convince me of that. 
{Crosses back of Calhoun and stands by door.) 

Calhoun. Shirley? (Goes to her.) 

Shirley. Yes. 

Calhoun. Such a document would be much safer in 
the hands of a representative of the government. Do you 
understand what I mean? 

Shirley. Perfectly. And I agree. 

Charlton. And I also understand. Let me warn you 
that my eyes are quite keen enough to detect any transfer. 

Shirley (sarcastically). Then we shall not be inconsid- 
erate enough to force any strain upon your eyesight. Sup- 
pose we make ourselves comfortable, since our stay here 
seems a trifle — uncertain. 



50 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

■ 

Annette (shuddering). Comfortable! Here? (Glaring 
at Charlton.) With hiniF { Rushing to Calhoun and 
seising his arm.) Oh, Captain Calhoun, save us — for Billy 
Joe's sake — save us ! 

Calhoun. My dear Mrs. Bill, that's exactly what I'm 
going to do. 

Shirley. Aren't you ashamed, Nan? You should be 
sufficiently thankful to know that Clay is with us. 

Annette. Clay! Clay! Anyone would think he was the 
whole United States army ! And he's not a bit more im- 
portant than Billy Joe ! 

Shirley. Then I wouldn't hold on to him so vigorously. 

Annette (dropping his arm). Billy Joe is perfectly rav- 
ing crazy by this time. He probably thinks that you have 
run off with me. 

Calhoun. Nice, trusting husband ! 

Shirley. And why should my fiance be your running 
mate? 

Annette. It's all your fault, Shirley. If you hadn't 
made me go with you to that old car — 

Shirley. Made you ! You suggested it yourself. 

Annette. Well, you were my guest and if I hadn't been 
polite — 

Shirley. I'd have been here — by myself. That would 
have been lovely. 

Annette. Clay would have been with you. (Crossing 
to bench.) 

Shirley. Pussy ! Pussy ! 

Charlton. The atmosphere seems a little charged. Sup- 
pose we change the subject. (Annette reseats herself on 
bench.) 

Shirley. Suppose we do. I'm curious to know just 
what you intend to do, now that Captain Calhoun is added 
to our house party. 

Charlton. The arrival of Captain Calhoun makes no 
change in my plans. 



________ THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 51 

Shirley. Really! Some way I can't quite picture his 
being locked in. 

Calhoun. Nor can I. (As Charlton takes out his 
watch and looks at it.) Social engagement? Don't let us 
keep you? 

Charlton. Not until seven thirty. And you're not 
keeping me, my dear fellow. 

Calhoun. As an interested witness of your little drama, 
may I inquire just what is to happen at seven thirty? 

Charlton. Wouldn't it be better to — wait and see? 

Calhoun. Perhaps the lights go on. 

Charlton. Just what do you mean by that — and exactly 
how much do 3^ou know? 

Calhoun. Wouldn't it be better to — wait and see? 

Annette (snappily to Charlton.) \Miat time is it? 

Charlton. Seven fifteen by the clock — and all's well. 

Annette. Don't say that to me — don't you dare. Seven 
fifteen ! \Miy it's dinner time — and Billy Joe is sitting there 
all by himself. 

Shirley. If he is no more excited than that, he deserves 
to lose his wife. 

Annette. Shirley Carlisle ! You know^ he's hunting for 
me this very minute — perfectly raving crazv because he 
can't find me. 

Shirley. That was my supposition, naturally. It was 
you who put him into that quiet domestic setting. 

Annette (hysterically). How do you know where Billy 
Joe is, Shirley? How do — 

Shirley (interrupting). Get out your knitting, Nan. It 
will calm your nerves. (Takes out her knitting. Annette 
reluctantly follows suit.) Anyway, it isn't right for us 'to 
waste time when the fine, brave men who are making the 
world safe for democracy need our help. 

Charlton. Miss Carlisle is optimistic. 

Shirley. Not at all. The American woman has the 



52 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



vision, that's all — and she tries to make herself worth fight- 
ing for. 

Calhoun (bending forward and speaking earnestly). 
And you are worth fighting for. (Shirley lays. down her 
knitting for a moment and looks steadily at him.) 

Charlton. A thin, weak line of khaki! (Snaps his 
fingers.) Bah! 

Calhoun. But quite powerful enough to check an insid- 
ious poisonous line of Kultur. 

Charlton. And what do you Americans know of — 
Kultur ? 

Calhoun. Not much — thank heaven ! You see, we 
haven't been trained to make war upon women and children, 
to regard promises as mere scraps of paper, and to believe 
that might makes right. (Stands by Shirley.) 

Charlton. The colossal ignorance of your people would 
be laughable if it were not lamentable. Who is to save a 
decadent world if not the nation to which is given the 
strength, the power and the will to enforce its civilization? 
The end is worth the struggle — even if millions of us die 
for it. 

Calhoun (after a pause). I'm sorry for you, Scheppel, 
honestly sorry. For if you are called upon to give your life 
for your country, you die in vain ; and if such, an honor 
comes to me, I shall be happy in knowing that I have con- 
tributed in part toward a world peace, a world safety and 
a world happiness. That's the difference between us. 

Charlton. A difference which can never be bridged by 
argument. (Takes out zvateh.) Miss Carlisle, may I warn 
you that time is passing? 

Annette. What time is it? 

Charlton. Almost time for the curtain to go down. 

Shirley (dropping her ball of yarn). There goes my 
ball — get it, Clay. (As Charlton makes an involuntary 
movement.) Of' course, Captain- Scheppel, even gallantry 
must play a secondary role to vigilance — therefore I can't 
expect you to go down -on your knees for it. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 53 

Charlton. That's my misfortune. Let us hope that 
when war times are over, I may have just such a privilege. 

Annette. Let us hope that we'll never see you again ! 
(Calhoun returns ball of yarn to Shirley.) 

Shirley {sighing). Men are so stupid! 

Charlton {quickly). Apropos of w^iat is that remark? 

Shirley {glancing at Calhoun). Apropos of a hall of 
yarn. 

Charlton {shrugging his shoulders). Your conversa- 
tion grows erratic. 

Shirley. And my nerves are on edge. No wonder, wnth 
that old pistol glaring at me! {Drops ball again.) Dear me 
^that ball has fallen again, Clay. 

Calhoun {returning it). Why not drop it in the bag? 
Then it will stay put. {Stands at her right.) 

Shirley. T don't want it in the bag — it's liable to get a 
germ from that dreadful envelope which Captain Scheppel 
says was hidden there. {Significantly.) Have you forgot- 
ten the envelope? 

Calhoun. No, I've not forgotten the envelope. 

Charlton. Nor have L 

Shirley\ T wonder what mysterious thing it contains — 
perhaps a love letter. 

Charlton. Perhaps. 

Shirley^ Do you remember what w^e said about love 
letters this afternoon, Clay? {Holds up ball of yarn and 
pretends to shake the yarn loose.) 

Calhoun {suddenly understanding). Yes — I remember. 

Shirley. Or perhaps it's just a plain old stupid state 
document. 

Calhoun. Do you remember what we said about state 
documents this afternoon, Shirley? 

Shirley\ Of course I remember, you stupid thing. You 
are stupid, aren't you. Clay? 

Calhoun. Not any more. 

Annette. I never heard such silly talk. {To Charl- 
ton.) What time is it? 



54 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

— . ■ 

Calhoun {glancing at zvatcJi). Ask lue for a change. 
Past the half hour. Now, what's going to happen ? 

Shirley (bending over her knitting). Something wrong 
here. Let's see. {Counts.) One — two — three — [gently 
shoves the ball from her lap.) Oh, dear — I didn't mean to 
do that again. Clay. 

Calhoun (as he picks it up). Well, I'll hold it to avoid 
future exertion. Shall I loosen it just as you need it? 
[Stands dozvn stage at end of table.) 

Shirley. Unwind it until I tell you to stop. [He un- 
winds it rapidly.) For it doesn't take long to knit it up. 

Charlton. Better save some for the night watches. 

Shirley. Sorry, but we can't stay that long, Captain 
Scheppel. We're due at a dance — aren't we. Nan? 

Annette. Rather. What time is it, Captain Scheppel? 

Shirley {noting that Calhoun's fingers touch the envel- 
ope). Oh-h-h ! I've dropped a stitch. {Rushes toward lamp 
and stands between Charlton and Calhoun until the lat- 
ter extracts the envelope and hides it). Oh, I beg your 
pardon. Captain. I didn't realize I had come between you 
and your prisoner. [Seats herself.) 

Charlton. My prisoner seems quite reconciled to his sur- 
roundings. I understand — for the first time — how one can 
be caught by a ball of yarn. 

Shirley. Oh — do you? I wonder if you realize just 
which one is caught. 

Annette. And I wonder if you heard me. Captain 
Scheppel, when I asked you the time. 

The door R. of C. at Back opens suddenly. Jennie, in 
a long coat, drenched with rain and carrying a dark lan- 
tern, enters. As if blinded by the light, she leans against 
the wall, hides her eyes and throzvs back the hood of her 
coat. Annette rises in fright. Shirley crosses and stands 
by her. 

Jennie. It was so terrible — up there — the wind — the 
rain — the cold — and the stillness. But I flashed the signal 
— and there was no answer. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 55 

Charlton. No answer? There must have been an 
answer. 

Jennif (dully). No answer. 

Charlton. Are you sure? 

Jennie. I saw nothing, I tell you — nothing. There was 
only the rain — and the cold — and the wind — and someway 
— I don't know how — I came here. 

Charlton. Then you have failed. 

Jennie. Failed? (Exultantly.) I have succeeded. 

Charlton. What do you mean? 

Jennie (again in apathetic tones). That I have obeyed 
instructions. 

Calhoun. So you were instructed to fall into my arms 
at the crucial moment, were you? 

Jennie. That was my own scheme. A delay was neces- 
sary. 

Annette. And you were instructed to pass a note to 
Neil Rutherford, were you? 

Jennie (haughtily). That is my own affair. 

Charlton (seizing her arm). Who is this man Ruther- 
ford and what right — 

Jennie (throzving off his Jiauds). Don't speak to me of 
right. I'm through with your tasks and your humiliations i 
I'm done wdth deceit and evasion; I'm free to follow the flag 
of the land I love. And this moment is worth the sacrifice 
— for my triumph means your failure ; my success is bought 
with your misfortune ; and the beginning of my career 
marks the end of your plans, your hopes and your ambi- 
tions. (Turns quickly, goes to the windozv, and raises and 
loivers her lantern three itmes.) 

Charlton (off his guard). What are you doing? 

As he turns, Calhoun, zvho has been zvaiting his oppor- 
tunity, springs upon him and tzvists his arm until the re- 
volver falls upon the floor. As they struggle, Jennie turns 
out the lamp, the door R. of C. at Back opens and Ruther- 
ford appears with leveled weapon. 

Rutherford. In the name of the law ! . 
Curtain. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 



The Third Act. 

Scene: Sun parlor in the Richmond home. Entrances 
L. and at R. of C. at Back. Another door at L. C. Through 
door L. of C. at Back dancing room may be seen. French 
zvindow at R., showing landscape beyond. Small stand with 
telephone at extreme lower L. Telephone chair. Settee 
down stage, a little L. of C. Tall lamp zvith flowered 
shade at L. U. E. Palms between the two doors at Back 
and dozvn R. Large chair dozvn R. Flags, red, zvhite and 
blue electric lights, and rugs for floor. Furniture should 
be zvicker. 

Curtain rises on Mrs. Richmond and Wayne standing 
up C, Mrs. Richmond at Wayne's right. They are con- 
versing zvith Ruth and Hal, zvho stand at their right. 
Nell and Walter are standing dozvn L. 

Ruth. But, Mrs. Richmond, we saw them as late as 
six o'clock, and they said nothing about any motor trip. 

Mrs. R. Naturally they didn't. They probably hadn't 
thought of it. Did you ever know Shirley Carlisle to do 
anything upon mature reflection? Of course it was she 
who influenced Nan. 

Nell. But it was raining. 

Mrs. R. Also thundering and lightning. And Nan was 
in her trousseau clothes. {Glaiicing at Wayne.) I'm duly 
thankful it is no longer my duty to replace them. 

Hal. Bad tire, I suppose. 

Mrs. R. a puncture every mile, I think — and in all this 
storm. No wonder they were delayed — and no wonder 
they were bedraggled. Fortunately, this is an informal 
dance, otherwise their failure to greet you would be inex- 
cusable. 

56 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 57 

Walter. Pretty tough on you, Mrs. Richmond — all this 
wait and this anxiety. 

Mrs. R. I expected it. Shirley always celebrates her 
arrival by some excitement. Last year she swam beyond 
her depth and had to be rescued. 

Hal. Why weren't you along, Bill? 

Wayne (hesitating). Wdl — you see — 

Mrs. R. (Jiastily). \\'illiam has military duties with 
which pleasure cannot interfere. 

\\"alter. Didn't you have any intimation of the trip? 

Wayne. Well, I— 

Mrs. R. {interrupting). William couldn't be reached at 
the time of departure. 

Nell {as the music behind the scene starts). Oh — there 
goes the music — and it's one of those ripping mihtary tunes. 
Let's not lose a moment of it. (Nell and Walter dance 
off stage at door L. of C. at Back. 

Hal {to Ruth). Shall we follow suit? 

Ruth. Of course. {Turns to Wayne as they dance by.) 
Better go yourself, Billy Joe, on the next motor trip ! {Exe- 
unt Ruth and Hal through door L. of C. at Back.) 

Mrs. R . Now — did you hear what she said ? 

Wayne. Ruth didn't mean a thing in the world by that. 

Mrs. R. Nevertheless, after tonight, people will be won- 
dering why a bride of two weeks goes on a motor trip with- 
out her husband. 

^^'AYNE. Then why did you start this silly story about a 
motor trip ? It would have been better and wiser to tell the 
truth. 

Mrs. R. The truth F Say that my daughter and her 
friend were vulgarly kidnapped by a German spy, taken to 
a deserted cabin and figured in what I call a common shoot- 
ing afTray? Never! 

Wayne. I don't understand why — 



58 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

, c 

Mrs. R. No, William, I don't expect you to understand. 
You haven't realized in what agony of soul I have greeted 
these people, explaining to each one just why my daughter 
and the guest of honor are unavoidably delayed, and how 
sorry I am that my husband is so engaged with government 
afifairs that he can spare no time to his family. (Sharply.) 
William, who is that strange, foreign looking creature and 
why should Mr. Richmond give up this party just to talk 
to her? 

Wayne (patiently). Someone connected with govern- 
ment afifairs. The girls said they would explain. 

Mrs. R. And who is this Captain Calhoun? 

Wayne. My college friend — and Shirley's fiance. 

Mrs. R. Fiddlesticks ! I don't believe a word of it. 
Shirley is always leading Nan into some sort of a scrape. 

Wayne (resentfully). Nan isn't so easily led. She has 
a mind of her own. 

Mrs. R. (crushingly) . Who has lived longer with Nan — 
you or I? 

Wayne. No one understands Nan as I do. 

Mrs. R. Don't talk nonsense, William. No man ever 
understands a woman — least of all the one who marries her. 

Wayne (moving to L.). Can't I go now? I haven't seen 
Nan but a moment — and — 

Mrs. R. (catching his arm). Gof Not until all the guests 
arrive. Not that you've been any help, for I've had all the 
talking to do. 

Wayne. But think of all the worry and anxiety I've had 
over Nan's absence. 

Mrs. R. I'm not thinking of you at all, William. I'm 
considering what people will say. (Mary, Lou and Jack 
appear at door R. of C. at Back.) Now here comes some- 
body. Do try to look pleasant or it will be reported that 
young Wayne and his wife are on the verge of a divorce. 
[As Mary Lou and Jack advance to them.) Oh, my dear, 
how good to see you ! 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 59 

Mary Lou (as she shakes hands). Are we so late that 
the girLs have left the receiving line? I'm dreadfully sorry 
— but we had a puncture. 

Mrs. R. Don't mention punctures — for we've had almost 
a tragedy right here. What do you suppose happened to 
those foolish girls? They went motoring with Captain Cal- 
houn — Shirley's fiance, you know — lost their way, had all 
kinds of accidents with the car and have just now arrived. 
They're dressing and will soon be down. (As Mary Lou 
passes' 071 to Wayne.) Good evening, Mr. Miller, so happy 
to see you. (Passes him on to Wayne.) 

Jack (as he shakes W^ayne's hand). Heavens, man, you 
don't look like a happy bridegroom. What sort of encour- 
agement do you suppose you give the rest of us who have 
matrimonial intentions ? 

Mrs. R. William is very tired for military duties ai'e irk- 
some. 

Jack. Didn't know that you had any military duties at 
present. 

Mrs. R. Oh, didn't you ? Now you two hurry right along 
so that you won't miss any more of the dancing. (Mary 
Lou and Jack pass out at door L. of C. at Back. As Rose 
and Bob appear at door R. of C. at Back, she turns sharply 
to Wayne.) Smile! (As Rose greets her.) Oh, my dear 
— how good to see you ! I'm sorry the girls aren't here to 
greet you, but what do you suppose has happened? They 
went motoring with Captain Calhoun — Shirley's fiance, you 
know — lost their way, had all kinds of accidents with the 
car, and have just now arrived. They're dressing and will 
soon be down. (Looks inquiringly at Bob.) 

Rose (hastily). My friend, Mr. Bartlett, Mrs. Rich- 
mond. I took the liberty of bringing him tonight. (Passes 
on to Wayne.) 

Bob (as he greets Mrs. Richmond). Hope you don't 
mind, Mrs. Richmond. Tomorrow I'm leaving for the train- 
ing camp — and — well — Miss Ross has been taking some- 
thing of an interest in me — and — 



60 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

1 

Mrs. R. {effusively). Any friend of Miss Ross is very 
welcome here. 

Wayne {as he shakes Bob's hand). What a fortunate 
fellow you are, Bartlett. Rose has adopted three soldiers 
already, and will know just how to treat a fourth. 

Bob {joining Rose at Wayne's left). You didn't tell 
me that you had three others on the string. 

Rose. Why should I? They're just adopted— and you 
— well — that's different— and — {turning to Wayne as they 
pass out) you make me tired, Billy Joe. {To Bob.) Shall 
we go on to the dancing. Bob? {Coquettishly.) You don't 
mind if I call you — Bob — do you? {Exeunt door L. of C. 
at Back.) 

Mrs. R. Surely no others will come. {As Bettina tip- 
toes in timidly from L.) Why, Bettina! 

Bettina. Nan sent me. 

Mrs. R. {sternly). You should be in bed. 

Bettina. But I've been helping the girls to dress. 

Mrs. R. Why did Nan send you? 

Bettina. She wants Billy Joe ! 

Mrs. R. William can't go. 

Wayne. But William will. {Turns and dashes out of 
the room at door L. C.) 

Mrs. R. {as she gazes angrily after him). Why doesn't 
Nan hurry? All these people in the other room and no 
hostess — 

Bettina. That's just it. She wants you there until she 
can come. 

Mrs. R. {sighing). Oh, very well! {As she starts across 
and up L.) Bettina, is that strange girl still talking to 
your father? 

Bettina. Dad's gone. 

Mrs. R. Gone? 

Bettina. To Washington. He left a note for you. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 61 

Mrs. R. {seizing Bettina's arm). Did — she — go with 
him ? 

Bettina {zvriggling loose). Of course not. She is with 
the girls now, and she is coming to the party. 

Mrs. R. So that is what Nan is planning. Well, she is 
not coming to the party. 

Bettina. But mother — 

Mrs. R. (sternly). Bettina, go to hed. 

Bettina. She has little crowns embroidered on her 
handkerchiefs. 

Mrs. R. What's— what's that? 

Bettina. And she is somebody awfully important in 
France. 

Mrs. R. Are you sure of this? 

Bettina. Oh, yes. And she has a chateau all her very 
own. 

]\Irs. R. Dear me ! How interesting ! 

Bettina. And mother — she is a secret agent! 

Mrs. R. Whatr 

Bettina. A secret agent for Dad ! 

AIrs. R. So that explains it! 

Bettina. And — oh, mother — she worked for a Ger- 
man spy, too — and the German never knew that she was 
finding out all these wonderful things for Dad. 

Mrs. R. {excitedly). Tell them all to hurry. Be a good 
little girl, Betty dear, and go to bed. {Kisses her.) 

(As Mrs. Richmond goes out at door L. of C. at Back, 
Bettina Jiiirries to door at L. C.) 

Bettina {calls). Shirley? 

Enter Shirley at L. C. 

Shirley. Everybody out of the way? Good for you, 
Betty. {Goes to telephone.) 

Bettina {follozving her). Why, Shirley, you have on 
your bedroom slippers. 



62 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

• ^__ 

Shirley [seating herself at telephone). So I have. 
Well, when one is walking on air she doesn't think of shoes. 
Be a good kid and get my others for me. (Exit Bettina 
at L. C. Shirley takes down receiver.) Long distance, 
please — Long distance? — Get me Plaza 6000 — and get it 
quickly. This is Mr. Richmond's wire — I have govern- 
ment business — and it's very necessary that I be connected 
immediately. Thank you, {Puts up receiver.) 

Enter Bettina at L. C. with slippers, handkerchief and pin. 

Shirley. That's dear of you, Betty. Now put them on, 
won't you? (As Bettina puts on the slippers.) How I 
wish they were seven league boots ! 

Bettina (sitting on floor). Where would you go? 

Shirley. To France. 

Bettina. Alone? 

Shirley (thoughtfully). I'm — not — quite — sure. 

Bettina. Here's your handkerchief, too. (Hands it to 
her.) 

Shirley (as she takes it). Thanks again. I'll need it, 
for I expect to weep out my eyes tonight. 

Bettina. Oh — Shirley! The Captain? (SniRLEY nods.) 
Oh, is it so bad as all that? 

Shirley. It's pretty bad. 

Bettina. Here's your service pin. (Hands it to her.) 

Shirley (pinning it on). How could I forget it? After 
all it's done for me. (Telephone rings. She muffles the 
sound.) Now, Betty, if you want to do your bit for the 
country, don't let anybody in this room. (Bettina rises 
and tiptoes to door L. of C. at Back. As Shirley's conver- 
sation proceeds, she listens eagerly, comes closer and closer 
until, as Shirley hangs up the receiver, she is standing back 
of settee.) Yes? — Yesf — Very well — Hello, Dad, did I wake 
you up ? — What's that ? — I'm not in any scrape I'll have you 
know. — I'm just breaking some news to you. — I'm going to 
France — to drive an ambulance. — Why, Dad, I never heard 
such language. — Didn't you tell me that I could go if I'd 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 63 

marry a soldier who would take me? — You did, too — don't 
try to get out of it. — I've found the soldier, that's all — and 
you're to pull every string you have on the war department 
to get me a passport. — Dad, I've always had my own way 
and this is the only big thing I've ever asked you. — He's 
wonderful — and he is the only man in the world who can 
manage me. — What? I don't think that's nice to say.— 
Don't be so eloquent — remember we pay for extra time. — 
I — zve — will probably arrive on the noon train. — Will ex- 
plain then. — I can't say his name over the telephone. — Well 
— because he hasn't asked me yet — but I think he will — 
Good-bye. {Hangs up receiver.) 

Bettina. Shirley, I don't quite know whether you are 
engaged or not. 

Shirley. I don't quite know myself, Betty. 

Bettina. How can you be engaged to the Captain if 
you're expecting somebody else to ask you? 

Shirley. Somebody else? 

Bettina. Yes — the somebody who is taking you to 
France. 

Shirley {reprovingly). You listened, Betty. 

Bettina {coming slowly around settee). I couldn't help 
it. How can you, Shirley? {Seats herself on arm of set- 
tee.) 

Shirley. You wouldn't understand. 

Bettina. Oh, yes I would. I'm old enough for that. 

Shirley. Well, I'm engaged but I'm not legally en- 
gaged. 

Bettina {eagerly). What would make it — legal? 

Shirley. The Captain's keen perception of existing con- 
ditions. 

Bettina {after a pause). Say that again. 

Shirley. The Captain's keen perception of existing con- 
ditions. 

Bettina {repeating) The— Captain's— keen— perception 
of — existing — conditions. 



64 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

Shirley (laughing). You funny youngster. (Hands 
Bettina the bedroom slippers.) Now, run along and tell 
Nan to come. 

Bettina (slowly making her way to door at L. C. and 
peeping out). She's coming now. (Exit at L. C.) 

Enter Annette from L. C. Shirley meets her at C. 

Annette. Billy Joe says for us to tell everybody to- 
night. It's only fair to Jeanne. (Hides her head on Shir- 
ley's shoulder.) Oh, Shirley — I can't even think, so much 
has happened. And I can never forget that terrible ride — 
when Neil shot him as he tried to escape. 

Shirley. Neil had to shoot him. Nan. Can't you under- 
stand? And he isn't badly wounded. 

Annette, But he's caught! 

Shirley. You wouldn't want an enemy of our country 
— at liberty, would you? (Annette shakes her head.) 
Come — tell me the rest of her story — quickly — before we 
go in — there. (Points to ballroom.) 

Annette (drazving Shirley down by her on settee). 
She knew Scheppel to be a clever agent, represented her- 
self as a traitor to her country and surrendered certain 
papers of supposed value to France. He took her into his 
employ, forcing her to obtain from Dad various documents 
whose contents he signalled to the snl)marine. 

Shirley. And of course this information, while it 
seemed authentic, really varied enough from the true facts 
to prove valueless to the enemy. 

Annette. Exactly. 

Shirley. Then why hasn't he been seized before this? 

Annette. The war department has been waiting for a 
certain document supposed to be in his possession. The 
supposition was verified today and the arrest was to have 
been made tonight when he signalled. Your unexpected 
arrival changed all plans. 

Enter Jennie at L. C. . 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 65 

Shirley. Clay also caused some excitement, I fancy. 

Jennie. Rather. (Crosses and stands back of settee.) 
If I had succeeded in keeping him away, everything would 
have soon been over. As it was — I was forced to play my 
part to the end. (Lightly as sJic looks around.) And to 
think that I should be a guest in the very home from which 
I have carefully abstracted the state papers which were 
just as carefully laid out for me. 

Annette. You've been wonderful, Jeanne, wonderful — 
and now you are going to forget it all. (Rises, takes Jen- 
nie's hand and starts up L.) Come! 

Shirley (rising and detaining Jennie). Tell me — just 
one more thing. 

Jennie. Well? 

Shirley. About the envelope. 

Jennie. It contained a worthless code and a false mes- 
sage. 

Annette. Then we might have been shot for a scrap 
of paper — (looking at Shirley) thanks to Clay! 

Shirley. On the other hand we are here safe and sound 
— (imitating Annette) thanks to Clay. 

Enter Mrs. Richmond, door L. of C. at Back. 

Annette (leading Jennie forzvard). Mother, our guest, 
Mademoiselle Dupriez. (They stand at Mrs. Richmond's 
7ight, Shirley at her left.) 

Mrs. R. (as she takes Jennie's hand). So glad to wel- 
come you, my dear, but America is always glad to welcome 
France. 

Jennie. I'm half American myself — for my mother was 
a Virginian and I was educated here. 

Mrs. R. Then we are all the prouder to claim you. 
(Turns.) Come — our friends are waiting — and — 

Enter Rutherford and Ruth at door L. of C. at Back. 

Ruth (advancing and leaving Rutherford up L.). 
Have you heard? Have you seen? And do you know that 



66 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

— • 

Neil is in khaki? He's been so much the center of attraction 
that he is beginning to feel like the only soldier in captivity. 

Shirley (going to Rutherford), We knew all about 
the khaki — before it happened. (Takes his hand.) 

Annette (waving her hand). Splendid, isn't It? 

Mrs. R. And next to Mademoiselle Dupriez, Neil, you 
are the lion of the evening. First honors must go to her. 
Now, girls, this time we'll go — 

Rutherford. May I detain Jeanne just a moment? I 
promise it won't be long. 

Mrs. R. Then keep your promise. (Exeunt Mrs. Rich- 
mond, Shirley and Annette at door L. of C. at Back as 
Rutherford advances to Jennie and Ruth.) 

Ruth (to Jennie). We've just been talking of you — 
everybody's talking of you — and I want to be the very first 
to tell you how splendid I think you are. (Excitedly.) 
Was there a secret mission from France? 

Jennie. There was. 

Ruth (laughingly) . And did you go over to the Kaiser? 

Jennie (laying her hand on Rutherford's arm). I 
went over to — Neil ! 

Ruth. And that's why it was all so mysterious? 

Jennie. That's why. You can see that it was much 
better to drop out of existence — temporarily. 

Ruth (enthusiastically) . A secret mission for France — 
a secret service man of America — and they all lived hap- 
pily ever after ! 

Enter Hal at door L. of C. at Back. 

Hal. Our dance. 

Ruth. Coming. (Exeunt Ruth and Hal at door L. of 
C. at Back.) 

(Jennie walks sloivly to chair at R. 2 E. and seats her- 
self.) 

Rutherford. I'm in khaki, Jeanne, at last. (Stands at 
her left.) 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY «1 

Jennie. To me — you have, always Ix^en in khaki. 

Rutherford. Are you satisfied with only a private? 

Jennie. Only a private? I remember that my private 
has met the foes of misunderstanding and criticism ; that 
he has already risked his life for the cause. 

Rutherford. And now fights in the open. 

Jennie. For France ! 

Rutherford (sitting on arm of chair). For you! 

{From behind the scenes come the first strains of the 
"Marseillaise.") 

Jennie. Four years since that day in Paris, Neil — and 
now — 

Rutherford. You are under the Stars and Stripes, and 
I am on my way to France — to be one, I trust, of the smil- 
ing, heroic, undaunted men who guard the City Beautiful 
and say — even in the face of death — They shall not pass! 

Jennie (rising as she hears the music). Listen! The 
call of France ! And America has answered. 

Rutherford (rising). Even as France answered us so 
long ago. It's a song of victory, Jeanne, and though some- 
times we cannot hear it for the cannon's roar, we know that 
it will ring out triumphantly for Right, for Truth, for Lib- 
erty — on the day we win ! 

Enter Ruth at door L. of C. at Back. 

Ruth. They are playing — and waiting — for you — both! 
(Holds out her hands.) Won't you come? (Exeunt Ruth- 
erford, Jennie, Ruth at door L. of C. at Back.) 

Calhoun enters at door L. of C. at Back and stands zcith 
back to audience until the strains of the "Marseillaise' die 
azvay. In the meantime, Bettina has entered at L. C. 
As she sees Calhoun she hesitates and tiptoes to right of 
room. He turns, seats himself on settee without seeing her. 
After a moment she coughs apologetically. He rises hastily. 

Bettina. I'm — I'm Bettina. 



68 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

— — . . _ __ — .• . 

Calhoun (gravely). I'm very glad to meet you, Bettina. 
(Bows.) 

Bettina (curtseying) . And I'm very glad to meet you, 
soldier man. 

Calhoun. I'm not intruding, am I ? 

Bettina. Oh, no. You see I'm not old enough to go 
to the party. 

Calhoun. Then I'll be a bit of the party and come to 
you. 

Bettina. I was looking for Shirley's Captain. 

Calhoun. Shirley's Captain? And what do you want 
with Shirley's Captain? 

Bettina. I just wanted to see him. 

Calhoun. And why? 

Bettina. Because he's a real hero. 

Calhoun. Won't I do just as well? 

Bettina (gravely). Yes — I think you will. 

Calhoun (indicating settee). Then, won't you be 
seated ? 

Bettina. You don't mind? (Curb herself up at right 
of settee.) 

Calhoun. On the other hand, I'm delighted. I'm feel- 
ing a bit blue and need cheering up. (Sits by her.) 

Bettina. Shirley's blue, too. 

Calhoun. How do you know? 

Bettina. She said she expected to weep out her eyes 
tonight. 

Calhoun. For what? 

Bettina. For the Captain. 

Calhoun, ^^l^at has the Captain done? 

Bettina. I don't know. But she said it was pretty bad. 
(Pauses.) Are you on your way to France? 

Calhoun. Yes. 

Bettina. To fight? 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 69 



Calhoun. To fight — so that httle girls hkc you may be 
— safe. 

Bettina. Shirley's going to France, too. 

Calhoun (sharply). Who's going with her? 

Bettina. Some man. 

Calhoun. What man? 

Bettina. I don't know. 

Calhoun. Is — is it the Captain? 

Bettina. No. You see she's not — legally — engaged to 
the Captain. 

Calhoun. Oh — isn't she? 

Bettina (leaning forivard). But I know what will make 
the engagement — legal. 

Calhoun (eagerly). Tell me. 

Bettina (importantly). The Captain's keen perception 
of existing conditions. 

Calhoun (looking away). Who told you to repeat that? 

Bettina. Nobody. I heard Shirley say it. 

Calhoun. What did she mean? (Turns.) 

Bettina. I don't know. (Sighs.) Sometimes I don't 
quite understand Shirley. 

Calhoun. Neither do I. 

Bettina (in surprise). Oh — do you know her? 

Calhoun. Just — slightly. 

Bettina. And have you met the Captain? 

Calhoun. Yes — I've met him. 

Bettina. Is he so very wonderful? 

Calhoun. He's a short-sighted, blundering, block- 
headed idiot! 

Bettina (after a pause). I thought only ladies said 
things about each other. 

Calhoun. That was a great mistake on my part, Bet- 
tina, and I apologize. (Leans to her.) Now tell me some- 
thing else. Do you think Shirley likes the Captain? 



70 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

Bettina. I knozv she likes the other one. 

Calhoun {blankly). Oh — you do. 

Bettina. The one who is going to take her to France. 

Calhoun rises and stands zvitJi his back to her. Shirley 
enters at door L. of C. at Back and stands there, unper- 
ceived by either Bettina or Calhoun. 

Bettina. What's the matter? 

Calhoun. Nothing. I was just thinking of — France. 

Bettina. Is somebody saihng with — yonf 

Calhoun. Nobody's saihng with me — and — (bitterly) 
nobody's caring whether I go or whether I come back. 

Bettina. Doesn't anyone love you? 

Calhoun. Fm afraid not, Bettina. 

Bettina. Are you sure? 

Calhoun. Pretty sure — now. You see, I thought — 
maybe she did, but I was mistaken. 

Bettina (after a pause). Would you like to have — nief 
(Rises.) 

Calhoun (turning and grasping her Jiands). I'd love 
it. Why off there in the trenches when Fm lonesome and 
homesick, it will be splendid to think that there is one little 
girl who — cares. 

Bettina. And you'll be my very own Sammy? 

Calhoun (still holding her hands). Your very own, 

Shirley (coming around back of Bettina). Why, 
Betty, think how late it is — and oh so far beyond bedtime. 
( Calhoun lets go Bettina's hands.) If you are very quiet 
about it — (putting arm aronnd Bettina's shoidder) you can 
slip upstairs right now without anyone seeing you. 

Bettina (to Calhoun). But you haven't told me your 
real name. 

Calhoun. I'll tell you — tomorrow. 

Bettina (going slowly to L.). You promise? 

Calhoun (follozving her). I promise. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 71 

Bettina. Then I don't mind going. (Extending her 
hand and curtseying.) Good-night, soldier man. 

Calhoun (bending over it). Good-night, fairy god- 
mother. (Exit Bettina at E. C. Calhoux stands look- 
ing after her.) 

Shirley. You seem to have made a conquest. (Sits on 
settee.) 

Calhoun. Don't spoil it that way. A child's friendship 
is given — not forced. 

Shirley. She seems to he taking entire possession of 
you. 

Calhoun. Why shouldn't she? (Stands back of settee.) 

Shirley. You don't seem to remember that you are — 
engaged. 

Calhoun. I've had no opportunity during the evening 
to forget it 

Shirley (looking up at him.) Congratulations? 

Calhoun. So many that I began to believe it myself. 
In fact, I've been wondering just which one of the old 
crowd I'd have for best man. 

Shirley. I've selected my bridesmaids already. The 
only thing that's troubling me now is the color of their 
dresses. 

Calhoun (sitting by her). Oh, come, Shirley, let's cut 
out a big wedding. 

Shirley. I've been hoping you'd say that. I hate crowds 
and it would bore me to death to have a lot of silly, simper- 
ing bridesmaids — 

Calhoun (disgustedly). Decorating me with bits of 
flowers and calling me — Clay. 

Shirley. Then how's this? Leave tomorrow morning 
for the city, where we'll meet Dad — 

Calhoun. Sha'n't we take Bill and Nan along? 

Shirley. I suppose we ought to. Then have our little 
ceremony all to ourselves. 



72 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

• 

Calhoun. That's bully. 

Shirley. What shall I wear? 

Calhoun (softly). Just what you wore when I first saw 
you. 

Shirley. I can't. The rain ruined it. 

Calhoun. But I want you to wear it. 

Shirley (looking steadily at him). Then — I zvill. 

Calhoun. And tomorrow evening we'll go to the gay- 
est, brightest kind of a place — 

Shirley (eagerly). Yes? 

Calhoun. Find a little table with rose shades — just for 
two — 

Shirley. And then? 

Calhoun. Fll be leaving you — hang the luck! (Rises 
and turns baek to her.) 

Shirley (rising). Oh, but you zvont. Vm not that kind 
of a bride. Let you go — over there — alone? Not much. 
When you sail for France — I sail with you. (Comes up 
behind him.) 

Calhoun (turning). When you sail for France! How 
could I forget? What about the other man? 

Shirley. What other man? 

Calhoun. The one who is taking you to France. 

Shirley. Oh, I see — Betty's been talking! 

Calhoun. And I've learned that the Captain has failed 
to recognize — existing conditions. Do you think that you've 
played quite fair with me, Shirley? (Stands hack of tele- 
phone chair.) 

Shirley (resting on arm of settee). Wliy not? 

Calhoun. If you had to have your fun, why didn't you 
take the name of your real lover? 

Shirley. I told you why I chose your name — and I'm 
sorry that it all happened this way. (Defiantly.) No, I'm 
not sorrv, either. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 72> 

Calhoun. I shouldn't be — if it were not for the other 
fellow. 

Shirley. What has he to do with it? 

Calhoun. How can you ask me that? Or perhaps it is 
just an episode to — yon. 

Shirley. I hope not. 

Calhoun (sarcastically). Sornething you can laugh 
about — with him! 

Shirley (rising). I don't let any man speak to me like 
that, Clay Calhoun. (Walks to R. They turn away from 
each other.) 

Calhoun (after a pause). What sort of a fellow is he? 

Shirley. Stupid. And oh so irritating. 

Calhoun (turning). What! And you're in love with 
him? 

Shirley. So much that it — hurts. 

Calhoun. When do you marry him? 

Shirley. When he asks me. 

Calhoun. What do you mean? (Comes to back of 
settee.) 

Shirley. What can I mean except I'm not sure that 
he — cares. 

Calhoun. Then he must be a consummate idiot. 

Shirley. He is. 

Calhoun. And you expect — him — to take you to 
France ? 

Shirley. I expect that very thing. But he doesn't seem 
to understand. 

Calhoun. The man can't have average intelligence. 

Shirley. He hasn't. (Turns.) 

Calhoun. I don't understand you, Shirley, and I don't 
seem to understand this situation — so what is the use of 
my talking? Anyway, I'm off tomorrow and we'll probably 
never meet again. You've given me the most exciting day 



74 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

^ _ 

of my life — and I wish you luck. (Comes to her and holds 
out his hand.) 

Shirley is about to respond when there is a sharp tap 
upon the French windozv. Calhoun draws Shirley to 
back of stage. After a moment Molly enters hesitatingly 
R. 

Shirley (meeting her at C.) Oh, Molly — Molly! 
(Calhoun withdrazvs to left of stage.) 

Molly. Did I startle you, Miss Shirley? I didn't mean 
to — but Fve been waitin' 'round to see you. 

Shirley. Why, Molly, what has happened? 

Molly. Nothin' has really happened, Miss Shirley, but 
I want my pin. 

Shirley (in surprise). Your pin! 

Molly. My pin. Oh, I know it looks queer to you and 
I'm ashamed to be takin' it back this way — but I'm seein' 
things different, Miss Shirley, and I need it, that's all. 

Shirley (as she pins if on her). And you shall have it, 
Molly. I had no right to take it, I had no right to wear it 
— and I'm sorry. 

Molly. And I'm sorry — for what I said this afternoon. 
You didn't hear me — but Miss Nan did — and I didn't un- 
derstand — then. 

Shirley. Understand what, IMolly? 

Molly (touching her pin). What it means. I thought 
only of Tim's goin' and that he might never come back. 
And now — 

Shirley. Yes? 

]\IoLLY. It makes me proud to feel that I have someone 
to give — that I can do my part by bein' brave and by smilin' 
through the tears. 

Shirley. Oh, Molly, you make me ashamed. 

]\IoLLY. For — after all — ]\Iiss Shirley, the flag does come 
first — and we can't think of ourselves, can we? 

Shirley. No — we can't think of ourselves. 



THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 75 



Molly. So that's why I want my pin. (Touches it.) 
For it is a star in the darkness and it's goin' to help me to 
play the woman's game and to play it straight and true. 
(Pauses.) And I won't be botherin' you any more, Miss 
Shirley, and you don't mind my askin' you for it? (Goes 
tozvard windozv.) 

Shirley. I'm glad you came, IMolly, and I thank you 
for what you have done for me. (Exit Mollie throuyh 
French zvindozv and Shirley comes slozvly to C.) It's a 
big thing I've been playing with, Clay, and I didn't realize it 
— before. 

Calhoun (coming to her). And I didn't realize — before 
— what it would have meant if you had worn the pin — for 
me. 

Shirley. I'm sorry. (She seats herself on settee.) 

Calhoun. I'm not. For it has given me a memory — 
and we cherish memories — in the trenches. (Pauses.) 
Shirley? 

Shirley. Yes? 

Calhoun. Ten minutes ago I shouldn't have said to you 
what I'm saying now ; but when a man faces unknown 
things, trivial conventionalities fall away. 

Shirjley (softly). Go on. 

Calhoun (at back of settee). And — if I never come 
back, I want you to know that when you entered my life 
this afternoon, you came to stay. That's all. (Crosses R.) 

Shirley. You haven't known me a day. 
Calhoun. It's a time when many things can happen — 
in a day. (Comes back of her.) 

Shirley. Midsummer madness ! 

Calhoun. Perhaps so — but the madness — lingers. 
Good bye. (Holds out his hand.) 

Shirley. Why should I tell you good bye. (Rises and 
zvalks to L.) 

Calhoun. There's the other man. 



76 THE CAMOUFLAGE OF SHIRLEY 

Shirley. There is no other man. 

Calhoun. What do you mean? (Rushes to her.) 

Shirley. That you and Betty didn't understand. The 
man who will take me to France came into my life this 
afternoon — and he came — -to stay. (Sits.) 

Calhoun (sitting by her). Shirley! 

Shirley. You should have known all along, you stupid 
thing. For you are stupid, aren't you, Clay? 

Calhoun (as he puts his arms around her). Not any 
more! 

Curtain. 



Fifty-Fifty 

BY 

Newton Perkins 

A FARCICAL comedy, in 3 acts; 6 males, 8 females. 
Time, 2 hours. Scenes: 2 interiors. This ultra 
modern play is made up of love, laughter, high 
finance and a dash of philosophy. It is distinctly and 
typically American and reveals a phase of Bohemian 
life in New York City, which is at once exhilarating 
and absorbing. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Henry Brown An Artist 

Paul Green An Author 

Patrick O'Malley A Tailor 

Mrs. Olesen A Laundress 

Mrs. Podge A Landlady 

Sophie Bland's Daughter 

May Blossom Her Friend 

Mrs. Plunk A Chaperone 

Willard Bland A Father 

lona Lotts An Agent 

Smudge A Valet 

Bill A Wanderer 

Roxanna Wheatpitt An Heiress 

Suzane Spriggins Henry's Aunt 

Plot: Two impecunious pals, an artist and an author 
who are at the end of their resources, court the fickle 
Dame Fortune according to a novel and ingenious plan 
and after many amusing and exciting experiences win 
success and happiness. An excellent, diversified, well- 
balanced cast. The artist and author are "touch and 
go" juvenile roles. Two pretty ingenues. The Irish 
tailor; the determined landlady; the Swedish laundress; 
the sentimental spinster; the old aunt from London; 
the "old salt" and the darky valet are immense comedy 
character parts. Amid the side-splitting comedy the 
audience will be speculating how these "get-rich- 
quick" artists will extricate themselves from the en- 
tangling web they have crept into. In addition it has a 
refreshing, optimistic philosophy that will send every- 
one home happy. 

Professional sta^e rights reserved and a 
royalty of ten dollars required for amateur 
performance . Price, Per Copy, 35 Cents 

T. S . Denison & Company, Publishers 

154 West Randolph Street CHICAGO 



And Home Came Ted 

BY 

Walter Ben Hare 

COMEDY of mystery, in ?, acts; 6 males, 6 females. 
Time, 2^4 hours. Scene: 1 interior. A play of 
high literary merit, absolutely clean in dialogue 
and action. The story is so unusual, the movement 
so brisk, and the climaxes so unexpected, that the 
breathless interest of any audience will be held, even 
if produced by the most inexperienced players. 

Plot: Concerns the mysterious disappearance of a 
young lawyer, the failure of an heir to appear on 
specified time, and the substitution of a bogus heir 
who turns out to be the very man named in the 
will, a masked burglar, and the theft of a mysterious 
package of letters. Rollicking comedy pervades the 
entire action, relieved at intervals by moments of 
pathos, and plenty of legitimate farcical action. There 
is no star part, not even a leading role, all characters 
of almost equal importance. Skeet, tlie good-natured, 
slangy, whole-hearted boy from the slums of New 
York, a great role for a young comedian; Mr. Man, 
the mysterious hero; Jim, the young lawyer who dis- 
guises as a deaf, old farmer; Teddy, the terrified 
young bridegroom; Doctor Stone, the scheming, but 
thoroughly natural villain, and the snappy, old Sena- 
tor; Diana, the quick-tempered but lovable heiress; 
Mollie, the plucky little housekeeper, who hides her 
breaking heart under a brave Irish smile; Henrietta, 
the mysterious and dramatic lady from Honolulu; 
Elsie, the bewildered little bride who is forced to 
hide in the basement; Miss Loganberry, the romantic 
old maid who is struggling to preserve her youth, and 
Aunt Jubilee, the "cullud" cook-lady, whose every 
line is a laugh. 

Professional stage rights reserved and a 
royalty of ten dollars reqi9ired for amateur 
performance . Price, Per Copy, 35 Cents 

T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

154 West Randolph Street CHICAGO 



An Early Bird 

BY 

Walter Ben Hare 

COMEDY, in 3 acts; 7 males, 7 females. Time, 2*^ 
liours. Scenes: Private office of a railroad presi- 
dent; room in a cheap boarding house at Flagg 
Corners. Act I. — A l)ird in the tree. Act II. — A bird 
in the bush. Act III. — A bird in the hand. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Cyrus B. Kilbuck President of the P. D. Q. Railroad 

Tony Kilbuck His Son, Just Out of College 

Mr. Barnaby Bird The Boss of Flagg County 

Mr. Mulberry Chief Attorney for the Road 

Bruce Ferguson A Clerk in the General Offices 

Artie An Office Boy 

Mr. Ferry Allen A Young Gentleman Farmer 

Jessamine Lee The Girl 

Mrs. Van Dyne An Agent for the P. D. Q. Railroad 

Imogene McCarty A Stenographer 

Mrs. Beavers From Flagg Corners 

Rosa Bella Beavers The Belle of Flagg Corners 

Mrs. Perry Allen Jassamine's Chum 

Dilly Mrs. Beavers' Hired Girl 

"You see that door? On the outside it says Pull, but 
on my side it says Push! Get the idea? I had no 
pull to make my way. only push! And it has made me 
a millionaire. Understand? Push!" Thus Kilbuck 
tells his son, Tony, who has been expelled from college. 
With unhmited nerve and a light heart, Tony starts out 
to carve his way to fame and fortune and to win the 
girl he loves. On the rough journey he meets one 
Barnaby Bird who figures strongly in the play but he 
outwits him, puts a big deal over on his father, wins 
the girl he loves and all's well. Comedy features are 
introduced by a coquettish stenographer, a fresh office 
boy, a country belle and her mother, a landlady of a 
Flagg Corners hotel and last but by no means least, 
Dilly, the hired girl. Price, 35 Cents. 

T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

154 West Randolph Street . CHICAGO 



Patriotic Plays 

All for the Cause 

COMEDY-DRAMA, in 1 act. by Lindsey Barbee; 
10 females. Time, IV4 hours. Scene: Interior. 
A little club of energetic young women start a 
"treasure trove" room to raise money for the Red 
Cross. A mysterious silver box is donated which 
brings about an exciting turn of affairs. It guarded a 
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Price, 25 Cents. 

America in the Making 

Patriotic play and pageant, in 1 act and 10 episodes, 
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cast is elastic. Time, about 1 hour. The entrancing 
story of America from its beginning up to 10 o'clock 
last night. It gives the factors that have gone into the 
building of tliis Repul)lic in such a way as to be within 
the understanding of a nine year old child and yet not 
too childish for high school students. Should make the 
foreign born more appreciative and sliows tlie part the 
late comers have played in our making. Particularly 
suitable for any patriotic occasion. It may be presented 
eitiier indoors or out of doors. Easily produced. 

Price, 25 Cents. 

Hands All Mound 

riay, in 1 act. liy Irene .Jean Crandall; 2 males, 4 
females. Time, 35 minutes. Scene: Attractive living 
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the boys come back." A dramatic episode in wliich the 
war transforms the frivolous daughter into an army 
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cross, after he has been unjustly suspected of theft, 
makes a climax that will move the audience. 

Price, 25 Cents. 

T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

154 West Randolph Street CHICAGO 



Pl^ys for Schools and Colleges 

THE HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN 

By Charles Ulrich. Comedy in 3 acts; 12 males. Time, 
2 hours. Price, 25 Cents. 



THE KINGDOM OF HEARTS CONTENT 

By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males. 12 fe- 
males. Time, 2^4 hours. Price, 25 Cents. 

MACBETH A LA MODE 

By Walter Ben Hare. Burletta in 3 acts; 7 males, 7 
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MRS. TUBES OF SHANTYTOWN 

By Walter Ben Hare. Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 4 
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PARLOR MATCHES 

By Walter Ben Hare. Comedy of society in 2 acts; 4 
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A POOR MARRIED MAN 

By Walter Ben Hare. Farce-comedy in 3 acts; 4 males, 
4 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 25 Cents. 



A PRAIRIE ROSE 

By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy-drama in 4 acts; 
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RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW 

By John W. Postgate, Shakespearean travesty in 1 act; 
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SAVAGELAND 

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SHADOWS ^ ^ 

By Mary Moncure Parker. Play of today and a dream 
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SING A SONG OF SENIORS 

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STAR BRIGHT 

"By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 
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A TRIAL OF HEARTS 

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LIBRARY OF CONbKtbb 

■ML. 

018 604 643 2 §\ 

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Our list of plays comprises hundreds of 
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sketches, monologues, entertainments, etc. 
All shades of sentiment are represented, all 
varieties of talent, number of characters and 
time required in presentation afe provided 
for in this list. 



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These books are not filled with old ma- 
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